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[quote=Anonymous]You know what OP? I've been thinking about this a lot since yesterday. I'm a total bitch. When I lived at home, for some reason everyone in the house gave me their junk mail. Not just the cool catalogs but the flyers for exterminators, coupons for stores nobody in my family had any interest in, etc. And one day I snapped and told everyone "Stop giving me your garbage! You're pretending you're being kind but you're really just treating me like your garbage pail. If you don't want it, put it in the recycling pile. But stop giving me all this shit!" And they did. My parents weren't pleased that I cursed, but they heard my message. I think they really just didn't complete the thought process. They only thought "Laura likes to get mail, so I'll give her this since it came in the mail," and didn't continue to think "Will Laura have any use as a 16 yr old girl for a flyer encouraging boys to sign up for cub scouts? No she will not, so I'll keep an eye out for a nice JCrew catalog for her."

While I got my point across, it wasn't very graceful. Why? Because I'd snapped. Why did I snap? Because I was confused - they kept presenting their mail as a gift to me, as a favor. "Look at this nice and kind thing I'm doing for you!" Despite the fact that it was all useless to me.

OP, it seems like you're REALLY worried about hurting her feelings. I think you need to channel the 16 yr old Laura a little bit. Be gentler in your delivery, but just as firm. Don't load up and then drop it all at the Salvation Army. Next time she tries to give you stuff tell her "Oh thanks Joan, but we're really trying to streamline because our house is small and super crowded. Hey, if you want some help de-cluttering though we'd be happy to get you a professional organizer!" Because a professional organizer knows that when Joan says "Oh I want to put this aside to see if Stacey wants it," they will say "Joan. Stacey doesn't want this. It's old lady furniture. Plus, I'm sure she already has a dining room set." And Joan will listen to a stranger. When Joan tries to give you food just say "Thanks, but we're fully stocked for the week and don't even have any space left for more food right now." You need to be firm. It's OKAY to hurt her feelings as long as you do it politely. Why is it okay to hurt YOUR feelings by foisting things on you that you don't want? It's not. Your feelings are just as valid as hers.  [/quote]

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