Reply to Has Anyone Else Decided To Have Just One Child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is quite interesting.  I am an only child, and didn't like it growing up (I was very lonely).  But as an adult I really dislike being an only child.  My parents live on the Wes tCoast and I only see them once a year.  My in-laws live in the midwest and we only see them once a year (but are not close with them).  I feel very alone in life.  We have no family in the area and have no one to spend holidays with.  Being an only child with no family around is super lonely.

We have a child who is only 6 months old but I am already planning to get pregnant with #2 soon.  I would feel so sad for her if she grew up to be an only child since we have no family in the area and I did not like being an only child.

Most of my friends have only 1 child by choice.  My own parents are quite disapproving of us having more than 1!  They don't understand why anyone would want more than 1.  They don't understand how lonely I was as a child and lonely I still am.

Personally I never considered myself to be in a "real family" growing up because I was an only child--part of that was that we really didn't have any family traditions and I felt so isolated from my large, extended family (grandparents, cousins, etc.) who lived thousands of miles away.  I would have had a much different experience if I had grown up near extended family.[/quote]

That's so sad.  If I might ask: do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

I have one and can't have anymore. My biggest fear is that my son will be lonely.[/quote]

I'm the PP who wrote this.  I was lonely as an only child mainly because a) we had no family nearby, all of them lived thousands of miles away so we never spent any holidays with family.  My parents didn't want to celebrate the holidays traditionally because "it was just the 3 of us" so for Thanksgiving we would go out for dinner, no homemade Thanksgiving dinner and this always bothered me, even as a child; b) we had basically no family traditions and I was upset by this even as a child; c) my parents wouldn't let me have a pet, which would have helped so much with the loneliness, and d) I was never allowed to bring friends on vacations, so I grew to dislike traveling with my parents because we only did boring things for a child like art museums.

I was lonely as a child but am much, much lonlier as an adult--in an extistential sense of being all alone in the world.  This is exacerbated by the fact that my parents chose to move to California for their retirement, even though it meant we would only see them once a year.  My husband and I have no one to spend holidays with, no one to help out with big things like moving, etc.

I always felt self conscious as a child about our small family.  It made me feel different in a negative way, and I still feel this way as an adult.
[b]
I envy people who have large, extended families who get together once a year for a family reunion on the beach.  I have 17 first cousins and tons of aunts/uncles but none of them are interested in a relationship, and they all live thousands of miles away.
[/b]
As a result, I am now preoccupied with the idea of a large family and making sure my child does not feel the same way I felt.  I plan to give her a sibling, perhaps have 2 more kids, and emphasize family traditions even though we really won't be seeing extended family very often.

[b]I consider myself an introvert and am a very lonely person.  I think people can tell this about me even if they don't know me very well[/b].[/quote]

That is the exception, not the norm. Almost everyone I know who has a large family doesn't see 75% of their relatives. Nor do they care to, TBH. The larger the group, the larger the conflict. And most people these days are so busy, they really only want to focus their energy on their immediate families -- so the grandparent/parent/child. I really think you're romanticizing large families and creating a "lack" in your own life where there isn't one.

I think if you're feeling so lonely (and it sounds like you're a sensitive person in general), you should examine other aspects of your life.  Honestly, perhaps your sense of feeling so alone is of your own doing -- you feel that you've been deprived of something that may or may not have happened (strong familial bond), even if you had a larger family.

I hope you feel better soon. You might consider finding a therapist or counselor and examining why you feel your life is lacking. [/quote]

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