Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is quite interesting. I am an only child, and didn't like it growing up (I was very lonely). But as an adult I really dislike being an only child. My parents live on the Wes tCoast and I only see them once a year. My in-laws live in the midwest and we only see them once a year (but are not close with them). I feel very alone in life. We have no family in the area and have no one to spend holidays with. Being an only child with no family around is super lonely.

We have a child who is only 6 months old but I am already planning to get pregnant with #2 soon. I would feel so sad for her if she grew up to be an only child since we have no family in the area and I did not like being an only child.

Most of my friends have only 1 child by choice. My own parents are quite disapproving of us having more than 1! They don't understand why anyone would want more than 1. They don't understand how lonely I was as a child and lonely I still am.

Personally I never considered myself to be in a "real family" growing up because I was an only child--part of that was that we really didn't have any family traditions and I felt so isolated from my large, extended family (grandparents, cousins, etc.) who lived thousands of miles away. I would have had a much different experience if I had grown up near extended family.

That's so sad. If I might ask: do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

I have one and can't have anymore. My biggest fear is that my son will be lonely.

I'm the PP who wrote this. I was lonely as an only child mainly because a) we had no family nearby, all of them lived thousands of miles away so we never spent any holidays with family. My parents didn't want to celebrate the holidays traditionally because "it was just the 3 of us" so for Thanksgiving we would go out for dinner, no homemade Thanksgiving dinner and this always bothered me, even as a child; b) we had basically no family traditions and I was upset by this even as a child; c) my parents wouldn't let me have a pet, which would have helped so much with the loneliness, and d) I was never allowed to bring friends on vacations, so I grew to dislike traveling with my parents because we only did boring things for a child like art museums.

I was lonely as a child but am much, much lonlier as an adult--in an extistential sense of being all alone in the world. This is exacerbated by the fact that my parents chose to move to California for their retirement, even though it meant we would only see them once a year. My husband and I have no one to spend holidays with, no one to help out with big things like moving, etc.

I always felt self conscious as a child about our small family. It made me feel different in a negative way, and I still feel this way as an adult.

I envy people who have large, extended families who get together once a year for a family reunion on the beach. I have 17 first cousins and tons of aunts/uncles but none of them are interested in a relationship, and they all live thousands of miles away.

As a result, I am now preoccupied with the idea of a large family and making sure my child does not feel the same way I felt. I plan to give her a sibling, perhaps have 2 more kids, and emphasize family traditions even though we really won't be seeing extended family very often.

I consider myself an introvert and am a very lonely person. I think people can tell this about me even if they don't know me very well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm the PP who wrote this. I was lonely as an only child mainly because a) we had no family nearby, all of them lived thousands of miles away so we never spent any holidays with family. My parents didn't want to celebrate the holidays traditionally because "it was just the 3 of us" so for Thanksgiving we would go out for dinner, no homemade Thanksgiving dinner and this always bothered me, even as a child; b) we had basically no family traditions and I was upset by this even as a child; c) my parents wouldn't let me have a pet, which would have helped so much with the loneliness, and d) I was never allowed to bring friends on vacations, so I grew to dislike traveling with my parents because we only did boring things for a child like art museums.

I was lonely as a child but am much, much lonlier as an adult--in an extistential sense of being all alone in the world. This is exacerbated by the fact that my parents chose to move to California for their retirement, even though it meant we would only see them once a year. My husband and I have no one to spend holidays with, no one to help out with big things like moving, etc.

I always felt self conscious as a child about our small family. It made me feel different in a negative way, and I still feel this way as an adult.

I envy people who have large, extended families who get together once a year for a family reunion on the beach. I have 17 first cousins and tons of aunts/uncles but none of them are interested in a relationship, and they all live thousands of miles away.

As a result, I am now preoccupied with the idea of a large family and making sure my child does not feel the same way I felt. I plan to give her a sibling, perhaps have 2 more kids, and emphasize family traditions even though we really won't be seeing extended family very often.

I consider myself an introvert and am a very lonely person. I think people can tell this about me even if they don't know me very well.

This is what stood out to me as wrong -- sounds like your parents really made decisions that kept you isolated. I'm sorry, PP. I have an only child entirely by choice, but establishing and maintaining family traditions (such as holiday stuff) is something that DH and I make a big point of doing. We also make efforts to spend vacations with extended family so that our kid sees all the cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. (even though I personally could do with a little less of that).