Reply to a girl classmate called DS gay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would be less concerned with reporting it thanby making sure DS knows that "gay" is not an insult and anyone who thinks it is is mistaken. [/quote]

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Parent of two middle school boys here.

You are both dead wrong.  It is most definitely used as an insult by kids.  Now you can live in a PC world where that isn't true, but watch out for the unicorns and other fantasy creatures in that world.  In the real world, when a kid tells another "you are gay", it is meant as an insult.  A different discussion could be "should" it be used as an insult, but that is not what you've said.  Now, depending on the context, it is very likely such a minor insult as to be completely unworthy of a response.  But lets not pretend that it was not meant as an insult of some kind.   It was.  A fourth grader is old enough to tell when someone has insulted him.  So "making sure DS knows that "gay" is not an insult" is an exercise is trying to convince him that what he actually knows, he does not know.  [/quote]

PP, I get what you mean, but the takeaway is "son, being gay is an insult" and son hears being gay is bad, wrong, etc.  Suicide is the leading cause of death for LGBTQ kids.  Don't feed it.  In case OP's DS is testing his mom with this incident, she should make sure son knows he is loved and supported.  [/quote]

I'm the first PP quoted (forgive the typos!). I didn't mean that the little girl didn't INTEND it as an insult. Of course she did. But if I were OP, I would make sure that I told my son that while his classmate meant it as an insult, it shouldn't be. There's nothing wrong with being gay and it should not ever be used as a slur.

To the PP with the two middle school boys, I hope you are doing your part and telling your own sons that message as well, if necessary. If you ever hear them or their friends call someone "gay" or "fag," you need to shut that down immediately. It might be a "minor insult" to the heterosexual kid who hears it once in passing, but it could be devastating to a closeted child.

Whether it is reported or not, it's a teachable moment of "We don't call people 'gay' as if it's a bad thing. It is not and she shouldn't use it in that way to you or anyone else." 
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