Reply to having a hard time accepting DS for who he is

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for the helpful replies and I agree I probably need to talk to a therapist to work through this. My child is not 7 - he is almost 12 - but still very young in the big scheme of life. And while I realize he could be very different some day, I do think you can tell a lot already. I have always been very sharp and driven and I've always been drawn to that same type with regard to my spouse and friends. So it is hard for me to connect with my child or admire him. But I really really do love him and I want to be a better parent to him. This has been the most shameful post I've ever typed. [/quote]

I do get where you are coming from OP. Feeling disappointed in your child is also a way of feeling disappointed in yourself. If you had more self confidence, you wouldn't feel so badly that your child is not a superstar. I do feel twinges of disappointment in my children when I realize they won't do the things I've done, that they are not driven as I am driven, but then I pull myself together and remember that they are not me, nor are they extensions of me, nor do they represent me. It is no reflection on me that my children are not like me. What does reflect on me is how happy and well-adjusted my children are, and no way will they feel self-confident if they feel they have disappointed me simply for being who they are. One of my children is likely to go into a very low-paying profession. He's not ambitious, doesn't care about making money or having a career. He wants a job that makes him happy. He really enjoys life as it comes, and is not looking to prove himself. I was disappointed when I realized he wasn't on his way to Harvard, but after that momentary falter, I pulled myself together and accepted that my child is wonderful just the way he is, and no amount of prodding or pushing will change him into someone else. After that, I started getting along a lot better with DS and appreciating all the wonderful things about him that much more. Children won't live with you forever, OP. You need to figure out how to get along with your child now, love and accept and embrace him for who he is, not who you want him to be, or you are going to alienate him, and he's going to leave without looking back as soon as he can. I want to have a long, loving relationship with all my children for the rest of my life, and I'm not going to let my foolish ambitions for my children get in the way of that. [/quote]

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