Reply to When younger sister visits, she never lifts a finger. Is this common?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also have a younger sister who's in her mid-20's and never lifts up a finger when she visits.  As matter of fact, she often doesn't even put her own dirty dishes in the sink and just leaves them on the table.  I do occasionally ask her to do something, and sometimes she does it other times she just says later and goes back to her phone.  She's like this because my parents have always let her be this way around the house since she was the baby of the house.  I find her extremely rude and disrepectful, but I just let it go since she's always been like this.  When I have mentioned something about it, she gets extremely defensive and upset.  It's partly her fault but also the parents who brought her up.[/quote]

You realize that you're repeating your parents' pattern, right?

I would sit down with her and have a candid conversation about what you expect from her when she visits.  If she's acting like a petulent teenager, I suggest you treat her like one.  At least I would if she was in my house.  [/quote]

No I'm not.  I'll teach my kids to be respectful and clean up after themselves.  I don't want the aggravation of trying to correct a grown woman when she grew up in a household that enabled her.  A huge argument starts if I bring up anything negative about her.  Last time I got yelled at by my mom and my sister because I insisted on being paid back some money I lent to my sister.  My mom paid me back for my sister.  So not worth my time and the aggravation.[/quote]

I wasn't implying that you're doing it with your kids.  My point is that if you're ingoring your sister's behavior, you're enabling her to continue it.  If you don't want the "aggravation" of telling an adult- whoever it may be- what you expect from them then don't get pissed if they don't meet your expectations.  Talking to your sister about basic expectations is not negative.  Telling your sister she's a lazy, entitled little bitch is negative.

Again, I'm not saying its your role to change your sister's behavior.  But if she's not helping out with basic jobs when she visits, you should be adult enough to talk with her.  By trying to ignore her behavior, you're enabling it to continue.  And FWIW, it doesn't appear to be reducing your aggravation with it.  [/quote]

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