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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
ITA. OP clearly said that the MIL had been torturing her for 10 years. Typical DCUM. First instinct is the blame the OP. But, some of us have experience with family members like this. My MIL is awesome, but my sister's MIL is a nightmare. She also did something that hurt my nephew and my sister lost it too. Frankly, it was about time.

I agree that OP should seek out a good marriage counselor. OP's DH needs to learn to set boundaries with his parents and to stick up for his family. He should never have let his mother pick on his wife - not once, let alone for a decade. [/quote]

If OP's MIL did something to hurt OP's DD, then OP has a right to be angry and speak her mind. Having that descend into a screaming match is immature, no matter who started it or whose fault the initial incident is.

OP, you need to find a marriage counselor. If you've been taking b.s. from your MIL for 10 years and your DH has not been sticking up for you, there is a problem with your marriage. In no way should it be acceptable to your DH for your MIL to yell at you and vice versa. He ought to have intervened years ago to stop your MIL's disrespectiful behavior, and he ought to have intervened to stop the screaming match immediately, and sent both you girls to you rooms.

What behavior are you modeling for your children? Mature adults do not engage in screaming matches, no matter their differences.

The incident with your DD (whatever it was), was simply the match that ignited a whole pile of festering resentment in you. If your DH has been ignoring your anger at the way your MIL treats you (which you obviously feel is disrespectful), he is at fault for not standing up for you and working with you to develop clear boundaries for your family's relationship with his mother.

We had similar issues early in our marriage, but I told DH that he had to stand up for me. I specifically asked him to protect me from his parents' nasty remarks and disrespectful behavior. When DH did this, things changed. He told them they had to be respectful of me and our children and he placed clear limits on when they were allowed into our house and how much time they could spend with the children. It sounds harsh, OP, but once he did this, it was easier for all of us to be around each other. The in-laws are still nasty, but they've learned to keep it to themselves when I'm around, or else they won't see DH, me and our kids. DH was the only one who could have done this. Yes, he loves his parents, but he has a wife and children, and we are his first priority. I wish I had great in-laws, but I don't, so we've worked it out the best we can. We've never had a screaming match, but I can see how that would happen if DH had not stood up for me. [/quote]

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