Reply to Private school vs paying for inlaws extended care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We recently had a "come to Jesus talk" with my (not healthy) inlaws and realize they have VERY little in savings.  Its somewhat of a surprise because they were both long working professionals who enjoyed an upper middle class lifestyle.  They simply did not save enough and also had a few bad property investments.  Anyways during this family meeting we also realized we are the only ones (out of DHs siblings) who are willing to supplement the my inlaws income.  This comes right at a time where my kids are in middle school and we were planning on sending them to a private high school both DH and I are fond of (alumni) and our kids have interest in.  We are now wondering if the more responsible thing to do is send kids to public high school (decent school) and help inlaws out. (If it isn't clear my kids are currently in public and up until now had the plan of sending them to private high school)  I am not willing to dip into retirement or college contributions.  We were planning to pay for high school out of pocket but paying for in laws expenses and high school is not going to work (trust me I've redone our budget on paper about 6 different ways).  I love my inlaws and they are great grandparents and I do want to help.  Anyone been in this type of situation?  Suggestions or alternative ideas welcomed!  Their health is not good and we are working around estimated figures according to social workers and practitioners...its obviously only an estimate but we've been told a pretty realistic one. [/quote]

Want to say first of all, that I feel your pain. I recently discovered that my mother had very little in savings left. She had been living beyond her means for years. I am angry and disgusted at her irresponsibility.

The good news, in my case, is that she at least had long-term care insurance, so she can move into a local assisted living facility. The local facilities are [b]expensive[/b] -- we can do it because of the insurance but it would be out of the question without it.

Frankly, I would say put your kids first. If you can afford private high school for them, and you think that's best, you should do that. The inlaws will have to reap what they have sown.

Obviously do not dip into your retirement or college savings. Do not supplement their income. If they haven't been able to live responsibly up to now, you're just pouring more money down the rathole. You should insist on taking control of their finances, or else you wash your hands of them.

I wondered whether you had looked at more geographically distant facilities. If you have to put them in assisted living that is several hours away (or more), so be it. [/quote]

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