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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thank you so much for all the advice.  DH actually keeps saying to me - my friendship with Jane has nothing to do with our marriage problems...they are two separate things and I need to make him understand that to me these things do go together. [/quote]

OP-- here's how I would respond to that:

"No, the issue is not your friendship with Jane. The issue is your disrespectful behavior towards me. The issue is your failure to be transparent with me. Marriage is not about secrecy and mistrust. Yet this is what you have presented to me. You have shared intimate details of our marriage with another woman that is not a therapist or an immediate family member. I have asked you to stop this relationship and to come clean about it. Instead you have stonewalled me. That is disrespectful. I don't know where this marriage is going, but I do know that it can't go anywhere unless you are honest with yourself and with me about what is going on. I don't know whether you have crossed a line with this woman or not. But that's not the point. You have crossed a line with me--you have been secretive, mistrustful and disrespectful to me and our marriage. I have an appointment set up with a marriage counselor for Thursday at 5pm. I've arranged for a sitter. I'm going, and would like for you to go. If you choose not to go, that's information for me. I'm still going. I'm not discussing this any more until the therapist appointment." [/quote]

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