Reply to Is it ever reasonable for a woman to want to conceive a child with a married man?

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Reply to "Is it ever reasonable for a woman to want to conceive a child with a married man?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I am separated from my husband and he now has a child with his gf (the ow).  My situation is not exactly like your friend's but I can share with you how this has affected my family and what I suspect is going on in their household.  Of course, my dc's are angry and confused.  My 7 yo asked why ow has a baby with her father when he is married to me.  Older ds actually physically attacked his father one day when he  announced he had to go home after a visit with dc's.  I am confused and hurt bc he gave me very mixed signals about reconciliation.  There was some part of me that wanted to have my family together if at all possible.  If your friend thinks he isn't still sleeping with his wife while they are under the same roof, she is crazy.  My husband attempted to have sex with me on multiple occassions while separated (no thanks).  I had to make my husband tell our dc's about this baby bc I didn't want it to be some big secret that was sprung on them years later (which he would have been ok with).  My dc's have not shared the information with anyone which tells you how they feel about the situation.

As for what is happening with them, I can only speculate but I know this man very well (I have know him for over 30 years).  I noticed several months ago that he had begun drinking very heavily and later learned this is when she was in the early stages of her pregnancy.  I guess he wasn't very excited about it.  Shortly after this baby was born, he ran into one of my gf's who said he was acting like he was embarrassed (she didn't bring up the baby but he likely knew I had told her).  I know for a fact she is pressuring him to marry her and he has told her he will divorce me and marry her BUT he has made no move in that direction and actually hems and haws when I suggest divorce mediation.  For financial reasons, I won't push right now and am waiting for it to become an urgent issue for him.

It is a tawdry situation and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.   You should share with your friend that even a physical separation won't ensure that she will be anything other than a baby mama.  Perhaps she is ok with this but if she is wanting marriage, she should wait to have a baby until he is actually divorced and they are actually married.  Also, she needs to be prepared to deal with the fallout re dc's from his marriage.  I know how difficult this has been for my dc's and can only imagine the hell they are giving their father and his gf.  People don't think about the reality of this choice when making a decision to have a baby with an unavailable man.[/quote]

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