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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The fact that you think about birthday presents two months in advance if you happen to be visiting tells me that you think birthday presents for cousins are very important and that you enjoy and/or feel obligated to spend lots of time thinking about things like birthday presents for cousins.  The fact that she rarely even buys a gift and doesn't feel that it's all that important to get them to you on time tells me she doesn't even want to do cousin gifts and wishes you would just stop, but feels obligated since you make such a big deal about it and spend the money every year.

I am like your sister-in-law, so I understand not wanting to do gifts with everyone - especially if you live out of state and don't even know the kids well enough to pick out something they would want (her asking you for suggestions makes me think she doesn't even know them well enough to know what to get).  It seems like a silly exercise to me - tell me exactly what to buy and then I'll buy your kid something and you spend the exact same money to buy my kid something.  And if you don't ask, you end up with something you don't want anyway.

I personally think the fact that you're thinking about this at all and that you know every little detail about it is just looking for drama.  She doesn't think gifts are that important - she's doing it because she feels obligated because you're making way too big a deal out of it.  If you want to continue giving her kids gifts, do so because you enjoy gifting.  If you give gifts only with the expectation of having someone feel the same way about gifts that you do and thus return in kind, then do her a favor and agree to stop exchanging gifts.[/quote]

I do them in advance because I do everything in advance.  I'm a planner.  I spend the money on the gift that SIL says her kids want.  For example, she will say, "Nephew wants a $50 giftcard to GameStop and Niece wants a $50 gift card to Amazon."  It is definitely not that SIL doesn't want gifts for her kids.  Niece's bday will come in April.  She told me at Xmas that niece will want a $50 giftcard to Barnes and Noble and "maybe a book so she has something to open."  I would LOVE to not do gifts for everyone but since we do it and since I know well in advance what her kids want, I buy well in advance.  Makes my life easier to get things checked off my list.[/quote]

I'm the one you're responding to.  You do sound a little defensive - you posted "would this annoy you or am I being ridiculous."  I personally think you're being a bit ridiculous - as in, I'm not sure why you're spending even a minute thinking about this.  I know you said that it's not that big of a deal to you, and I believe you that it's not, I just don't think it even needs to be on your radar.  Accept the gifts as they come and if the whole thing bugs you too much to even deal with, talk to SIL about ending the gift exchange.  Done.  Are there other issues with your SIL dynamic that we don't know about?  [/quote]

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