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[quote=Anonymous]The fact that you think about birthday presents two months in advance if you happen to be visiting tells me that you think birthday presents for cousins are very important and that you enjoy and/or feel obligated to spend lots of time thinking about things like birthday presents for cousins.  The fact that she rarely even buys a gift and doesn't feel that it's all that important to get them to you on time tells me she doesn't even want to do cousin gifts and wishes you would just stop, but feels obligated since you make such a big deal about it and spend the money every year.

I am like your sister-in-law, so I understand not wanting to do gifts with everyone - especially if you live out of state and don't even know the kids well enough to pick out something they would want (her asking you for suggestions makes me think she doesn't even know them well enough to know what to get).  It seems like a silly exercise to me - tell me exactly what to buy and then I'll buy your kid something and you spend the exact same money to buy my kid something.  And if you don't ask, you end up with something you don't want anyway.

I personally think the fact that you're thinking about this at all and that you know every little detail about it is just looking for drama.  She doesn't think gifts are that important - she's doing it because she feels obligated because you're making way too big a deal out of it.  If you want to continue giving her kids gifts, do so because you enjoy gifting.  If you give gifts only with the expectation of having someone feel the same way about gifts that you do and thus return in kind, then do her a favor and agree to stop exchanging gifts.[/quote]

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