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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I really don't think this is helpful for you to think about in terms of gender roles. Your DH is a person with certain qualities and habits; thinking about it in terms of what women want/what men want is really NOT useful. What really matters here is that you seem to have lost all compassion and good will towards your husband. Work on that in concrete ways - [b]seeing it as "women want to be led" is neither true nor useful[/b]. I think most PEOPLE want to feel that their partnerships are productive and mutually satisfying and emotionally supportive. [/quote]

Speak for yourself.  I have NOT lost compassion.  I have lost patience.  Plus, yes, I do want him to be a leader sometimes.  Read my previous post.  I don't want him to lead ME so much as just be the leader in his own life, as PP said.  Or just make an unimportant decision without asking me to weigh in.  HOnestly, I would jump for fucking joy if he said "I've bought us theater tickets and made dinner reservations for Saturday night and booked a sitter."  I mean, I would DIE.  I would cream my panties, seriously. I've done this for him before after checking to see if his calendar is clear.  He thought it a lovely surprise.  Why wouldn't I?  Similarly, I would lose it if I just came home and he said here's dinner.  The sheer fact of him making the decision and taking the initiative would be all it would take.  Ditto if he made a bold move at work (i.e. going for something big or exhibiting leadership and risk-taking) and then just told me aobut it, as opposed to asking me to help him plot it every single time.

The thing I can't figure out is where he got the idea he has to run every single thing by me.  I assume this is something I did, unconsciously, but I need him to understand that yeah, I don't care about 75% of the things you ask me to weigh in on.  Just do them.  Just like I make doctor's appointments, plan meals, go shopping, etc etc without asking him his opinion.  [/quote]

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