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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is why I like alpha males.  I absolutely hate  insecure emasculated men.  They're worthless both in the boardroom and the bedroom.  They might as well bend over and join the other team.  [/quote]

Is a wife's success "emasculating?"  Seriously men, weigh in here.  Why marry an intelligent, educated and accomplished woman if you are only going to act like babies when she does well, insisting that she's "emasculated" you?  I don't get it.[/quote]

I personally dont find it emasculating, but then again, I'm a leader in my field.  It would be hard to make my work seem insignificant in comparison.

From what I have observed, its not the act of being successful that lesser men find emasculating, its the other attitudes that come with it.  And I think the women themselves find themselves less interested in their men once the woman's success reaches greater highs.

Women want to mate with men equal or better.  No momma every says to their daughter 'I Hope you find someone who is less educated and less successful than you!"

[b]Women, even the educated working ones want to feel lead at times.  When they feel like they are the "grown up" or the one doing the leading, everything breaks down.[/b]

[/quote]

OP back.  I've been monitoring for an intelligent comment, so thank you.  The bolded is SPOT ON.  DH asks me to weigh in on every little decision.  He's currently working from home, and while I appreciate on some level him calling to ask "do you want X or Y for dinner?" on some level I just want him to fucking choose.  Surprise me.  Ditto should we see move X at noon on Saturday or 2pm on Sunday?  I DON'T CARE.  Pick one and then call the sitter.  Or just say, hey I plan to do X is your calendar clear?  (Avoiding scheduling conflicts I would get.  But if my assistant said should I schedule this meeting for you at noon or two my answer would be - if my calendar is clear, JUST DO IT.)  Instead of asking my opinion on every career move, networking call, etc etc and regaling me with insecurities about how and why it won't work, just DO IT.  Just have some confidence, gird your loins, and DO IT ALREADY!!  I mean, I want to be consulted on the important shit.  Buying a new car, house, choosing a school for our child - check.  Other little crap?  Just DO IT.  Career move?  DO IT.  Then tell me all about how it went after.

Okay, you're a man, so tell me - please - how do I tell him this stuff without it coming across as offensive?  The reality is that I have [b]every confidence in the world [/b]in his ability to make good decisions, get shit done, and do it right.  Why the hell doesn't he?  He's intelligent or else I wouldn't have married him.  [/quote]

Was he like this when you met him?

I suggest you point him in the direction of this website/blog/book :  Marriedmansexlife.com

That author espouses a very digestible model of captain/co-captain which encourages the man to be more of a leader within his own life and the relationship.  His take is well informed and has generated a lot of positive results for couples.

Many men in this generation have been ground down over time into becoming sniveling betas worried about stepping on toes or being too forceful.

I think all but the softest attempts to convince him of his need to change would be met with resistance.

Its hard for me to relate because if I was screwing up I'd want her to say SACK UP and I would be reminded.  But that doesn't happen to me.

Athol Kay, author of marriedmaxsexlife.com, knows how to get that message across.

[b]and believe me, its not just about sex, its about how to be a Man in today's world and how to create a dynamic between husband/wife that is fulfilling to both.[/b]

Captain/co-captain

check it out

I have no affiliation with that site at all.
[/quote]

Amen!  OP here, and thanks.  I agree it's not easy for any of us.  It's been a huge cultural shift in the past 50 years and women are reeling too.  I have no role models for this life.  And for the culture warriors on this thread, DH would be even MORE insecure if I quit my job to SAH.  He's even said as much.  "What if I lost my job, then?"  It's a fair point.  I've also generally been the one with the kick-ass retirement plan, so we are both counting on that.  Our economy and our reality today is what it is.  I feel like you either keep on pushing forward or you get left behind.  And neither one of us wants to get left behind.  We owe it our child not to get left behind.

I don't know. . .maybe it's not even DH so much as it is the cumulative effect of choosing to be married, dual career parents.  It's a damned slog.  Anything that can help us navigate it better will surely help so I will check it out.[/quote]

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