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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My insights as a mom of three who's been married 17 years:

She might be genuinely tired.  She finally hops into bed at the end of the day and you come in and ruin her plans to decompress, zone out, have some quiet or even sleep.

I often fall into the trap of not wanting one more person to demand one more thing of me at the end of the day.  Sex sometimes feel like a chore and one I'm too tired for - especially if my DH has barely talked to me beyond a hi and goodbye.

So, be more giving, OP.  Sex doesn't always have to be in your bed at night.  Go downstairs and watch a movie while you rub her shoulders or her legs.  Tease her with touch a bit. See what happens.

Go out together.  Literally seeing your spouse in a different light can rev things up.  DH and I have had the hottest sex after our high school reunions, weddings...

Do things for her.  Buy her sexy things.  She needs to know that you find her hot.

I love watching porn with my DH, in moderation.  There are some great pornos that are female-friendly (more of a romantic spin, husband/wife storyline).

Have her read some of the explicit threads on here.  That gets me hot.

[/quote]

If he rubs her shoulders or legs and sees what happens, I'll tell you what will happen. Nothing.

Date night? He'll turn it into a covert contract for sex and he'll be disappointed because she still won't want to have sex with him.

Buy her sexy things? She'll perceive it as yet more pressure to have sex.

Let her sleep more and have more free time? She will fill up available free time with anything and everything; sex is low priority and will remain low priority until she is: a) attracted to her husband; and b) regards sex as a good thing.

OP's sex life sounds awful. He's basically using his wife to masturbate. If she's giving him feed back on what she likes and how to make sex enjoyable for her but he's not responding to that feedback, then it's on him. If she's not providing any feedback, then that's step 1. A good marriage requires at least a decent sex life. A decent sex life requires both partners to make an effort. [/quote]

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