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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]$550 a month is nothing to sneeze at.  My ex is required to pay around $300 a month and I pretend that I don't get anything and put it directly into savings for my DD.  It adds up.  I don't think a dad is a real dad if he doesn't support his child.  He can have a relationship with the child all he wants but he isn't a dad if you are the only one supporting her.  [/quote]

OP here, and yes, I couldn't agree more. And lots of guys in their 20's get it together and learn to make it work. I'm not trying to give him a pass.  But we didn't plan DD. And my decision to have her was unilateral. In my 20's, I was supported and encouraged by parents who valued education and helped guide me to my current profession. He had none of the same support. He's doing better professionally within the last year and this is a product of his own hard work. I feel it would be unfair to derail that effort at a time in his life that is crucial for professional development.

The obvious danger with my plan: setting a precedent of non-responsibility on his part. Making it look so "easy" that it seems I don't need his help. Etc., etc. Obviously I don't have an endless stream of cash and I'm on this particular forum looking for budgeting advice to improve our lives, so yes, he could mitigate some of that. And when school starts he is aware that I expect him to contribute to that (e.g. cost of lessons/activities if she goes public).

What I hope is that given some time, our roles and thus, our contributions, in/to DD's life will equalize somewhat. Or, I may meet someone who will be as special in my and her life as my step-dad is in mine and my mom's (married to my mom for 27 years). But there are no guarantees. It's a long road we're on. We'll see how it goes.

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OP, just wanted to say I admire how you are handling yourself. Whether people agree with you or not you have clearly thought this through and are trying to do what's best for all involved, especially your DD. [/quote]

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