Reply to My husband told his parents that my job is disappearing

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[quote=Anonymous]Let me start by saying I get along with my in laws.  I'm sure DH has mentioned my job situation to them when the company I worked for went bankrupt or I was finding a new job because a work situation was becoming unbearable.  It wasn't an idle gossip type of thing.  DH is communicating a stressful situation when asked how our family is doing.  It is implied that we are worried because we are trying to figure out what next.  Can we plan to visit you x vacation, maybe not because we don't know our money situation and we don't know my time off situation I.e. if I started a new job by then I don't have vacation time and I may want to save the vacation time at my current job to get paid out for it.  Depending how long this goes on, I may get anxious, depressed, upset, snapping at DH and the kids.  There are lots of postings with people wondering how to emotionally support spouse that has lost job so that you aren't pushing and adding to the stress, but you aren't enabling if you financially can't or emotionally can't take the pressure of solely supporting the family and feel spouse could do more but won't.

All that said, it sounds like the in-laws response, is a problem.  More of an issue is that DH didn't stand up for you and say, look I'm telling you this not for you to make jokes, but so you don't bring up this topic over the holidays and understand why we may be not so cheerful.  Unless DH had made a decision to cut his family out of his life or has put them on some sort of notice that if they do x he will no longer talk to him about certain topics or the two of you agreed not to discuss it with his family until after the holidays, I don't see the whole "ammo" thing.  To me it's only "ammo" if DH has agreed in some way not to discuss it and then does it anyway or if there is some truth to the allegations.  Like when you constantly tell your friends stories about a SO that paints them in a certain unflattering light but try to convince them and yourselves he isn't really like that ...and yet there is truth to the picture you are painting.

So the one topic I did want to mention is that I hope you leaving was a decision you talked through with DH and financially you both felt comfortable doing.  I don't know what the step down involved in terms of title and money but it is easier to find a job while employed and the holiday season is not the best time to look for a new job. You could have structured your résumé to highlight the higher title and de-emphasize the lower title and stuck it out thru the holiday season.  if your experience at the higher title was still fresh and you had good references for that work, I think you could work thru it in a job interview. As for different money you would have to weigh having a lower salary versus having no salary when you are job hunting.  There are other things at play with negotiations include if you have other offers, your target range versus their budget and if your target is in the ballpark with experience, and how you stack up to the other candidates.  it's not always simply matching your old salary.  it could be higher or it could be lower.  The restructuring maybe won't work out in the end but you have to weigh jumping ship now with severance versus staying longer and looking while employed.  You and DH should have run thru different scenarios together.  Would you have made the same decision if you didn't have DH's salary to fall back on? What if the only jobs you can find are out of town?  What is the desperation point if you take severance where you need any job versus dream job?  As a kid, I lived thru my dad resenting the unilateral job decisions my mom made and my mom feeling my dad made financial decisions that dictated certain job salaries.  At the end of the day I think my mom wanted to be a SAHM or be able to work part-time jobs etc., but she had more of the career potential and would have an easier time getting jobs in an economic downturn.  My dad wanted to have a house and middle class lifestyle but that could only be achieved with two salaries and although he could make a good living, being a consultant had a certain amount of instability and not having a college degree added to that.

Anyway, wishing you the best of luck.

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