Reply to Who Should Control A Couple's Sex Life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]As part of a couple on 3rd year of no sex, it might seem that the person who said no is in control. But actually, if DH would just make a concerted effort, tell me why he loves me, notice what is great about me, provide no-obligation caresses and gratuitous affection, I would probably just melt; I'm pretty sure he could get whatever he wants. He's not willing to work for it so that's why it doesn't happen. So he controls.[/quote]

No, actually you're controlling access to sex. He may not be living up to standards, disappointing you in all other ways, but your reaction is to control sex in order to try to "get him to work for it."

how's that working out anyway? seems like both of you are unhappy. Maybe he thinks "why should I tell my wife how fabulous and beautiful and sexy she is, only to be denied affection and sex? why should I try to kiss and caress her when she shoots me down in the bedroom?"

Why don't you try having sex with him, telling him he's great, all the things that you love about him--and see if he responds in kind? WIthholding intimacy to get intimacy never works. Be the bigger person here and take the first step. (its worked for us) .[/quote]

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