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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm with you 100%, OP. I'm betting that the vast majority of those jumping on you are people who have not walked in these shoes. I thank you for this thread. I am divorcing now and had not considered what would happen when an activity falls on his weekend. I've added that to my very long list of things to include in the divorce agreement or decree. [/quote]

My husband is a NCP with a nasty ex-wife who tries her best to take his money and block all contact.  It sucks.  And, you can see the damage it is doing to the kids.  [/quote]

Top poster here. I agree with the pp that you have to pick your battles, there are PLENTY of other battles in which I chose not to engage. And if the kids don't want to go to an activity, ok. But if he is electing not to take them to get at me, then, yes, I will fight that battle for them and because classes are not free. I can see them missing a championship game or big gymnastics meet because he wants to be an a$@ to me.

And to this poster, I have never kept our children away from my ex. He can see them or talk to them as often as he wishes. I say nothing but positive things about him to them. And for a long time I pretended we were still on the same page as far as parenting. But my kids are getting a bit older and starting to realize that Mommy and Daddy are NOT in this together. My ex is NPD/BPD and has serious anxiety issues. He is out to punish me at all costs, even to the detriment of our children. Divorcing a person with BPD is not the same as divorcing a mentally stable person. The more you acquiesce the more they come after you. So even if you "play dead" they just up the ante. It's a different world. You have to draw clear boundaries and stick to them, and not get sucked into the verbal wars that they thrive on. No tit for tat nonsense...these are the boundaries and that's it!

I think many posters are looking at this situation through one lens, but there are people who are parallel parenting with someone who has serious mental health challenges. That is not to say OP is one of them, but I am. I'm just an everyday mom trying to do the best I can for my kids and leaving an emotionally and verbally abusive ex was the first step. It was likely headed to physical abuse (he was getting increasingly more physical in his threats), but I wasn't waiting around for that.

And, yes, I will be able to enforce them. My STBXH is an attorney, so I have a bit of leverage in that he needs his license to practice and violating court orders is not okay. [/quote]

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