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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My SIL says she looked like Ugly Betty growing up. She got contacts, styled her hair and became a lawyer. Now she is wealthy with a doting husband and children. I credit her parents with instilling her with confidence.  To them, she was the most beautiful and smartest girl in the world.  [/quote]

I'm the ugly 35 year old poster.  My parents and my husband think I'm beautiful and brilliant, and tell me so often.  They're wrong (on both counts) by any objective standard.  It's simply that they know and love me, and so view me through a different lens than a stranger would.

The issues with my appearance are not due to a lack of confidence, lack of an advanced degree (I have one), lack of a good career (I have one), or failure to do my hair/wear makeup/dress nicely.  I'm just not an attractive person, period.[/quote]

It could also be that your own perception of yourself is not as objective as you think. You define your looks as ugly and it sounds like a few people's comments have cemented that in your head. It could be that the mast majority of the population wouldn't think you were ugly. Your husband was attracted to you for you two to start dating. Different people define ugly differently so many may not see you as ugly at all. I can't think of a single person I know who I would consider to be ugly.  [/quote]

Sure, my perception of myself isn't objective.  But it's not just been comments from a few people; it's been comments from many people, from childhood through adulthood.  My husband barely said hello when we were first introduced by mutual friends.  He spent all night talking to another woman, and I still tease him about that. :)  The second time it was just him and I and our mutual friends (who were a couple), and he still didn't have anything to say to me.  The third time we interacted was when I invited him to a holiday party my roommate and I were having.  He came, got a little drunk, and we talked until 7am the next morning.  THEN he was interested. :)  The key was getting to know me, as it has been with a lot of people.  They discount me at first, but things change once they get beyond my appearance.  As I mentioned in a previous post, these days it's really only in the professional realm that it bothers me.  And in that area, being a normal weight now has definitely helped.

I understand your point though, and agree with the perspective that there's a difference between being a physically unattractive person and an ugly human being.  I am the former; I am not the latter.[/quote]

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