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[quote=Anonymous]OP, so sorry you are going through this.

I agree with the idea of first, getting a new therapist who understands that it is non-negotiable for you to "test" a relationship. And if you, yourself, never want to see your parents again, why should you try to fake a relationship so they can see your kids?

So....

1. New therapist for you who can work with you on forging a life without the parents and who will work on your issues of guilt -- because you seem to feel some guilt that you are the last kid left in the area and they are getting old. Don't go there; don't let guilt, which they do not deserve from you, drive you to see them.

2. Get good, solid advice from your lawyer about what rights, if any, your parents might or might not have to sue for visitation. Know this so you are forearmed with the facts and can shoot them down with chapter and verse if they so much as contact you and threaten this again. Have it in writing, next to the phone and computer so you never, ever "wing it" if they contact you and talk this up.

3. Forge new relationships with "family" you create -- your friends, your children's school friends and their families, your church family if you are religious, groups you join, whatever. You will have less time for guilt if you and the kids are busy and active and doing things together that do not give you any time to think about this. And it will help forge links between you and your kids so they know YOU are the one who is there for them, not ex, not invisible grandparents.

Also, I would not tell the grandparents that they are free to see the kids on ex's time. They sound likely to badmouth you out of your presence. They can figure out for themselves that they can call the ex; no need to give them the idea.

OP, how are your kids handling this divorce overall? Do they know about or ask to see their grandparents? Or is this only on the adults' radar and not on the kids' minds at all? I hope it's the latter case. That would make things easier for you. If they start to ask about grandparents (on some inevitable "grandparent day" at school, for instance), it will help if you have those friendships mentioned above and they know they can think of some other older adult friend as "grandma so and so."  When they are much older they can choose to see their grandparents but for now you are the parent and therefore the boss. It's that simple. [/quote]

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