Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP I am on barely speaking terms with my dad and haven't spoken to my mom for more than 25 years. Most people who don't understand the situation think I am a horrible person. Most people can't understand. My parents if you met them a at party wouldn't come across poorly so people think I am the one with a problem. Maybe I could have handled things differently. However, the thought of re conciling with my mom pains me more than the thought of not talking to her. She's done some very cruel things to my sister since the event that triggered me cutting off from her completely. My dad has done some cruel things to me so I expect nothing and have built a wall around me when I see him. He complains that I am cold it's no wonder. I'll never forgive him for letting his then girlfriend kick me out of the house for a minor infraction a few months after college. Think something like leaving the dishes in the sink and she blew up at me and screamed told me to get out. Btw-I did apologize before she went ape. I thought she was going to assault me. I never raised my voice and I left heart broken. She had anger issues and I went to live with GP. Each weekend, he would come alone to his parents and berate me and tell me that I needed to apologize to her. Each time he did this the wound got deeper. He also told me hurtful things like I wasn't allowed to come over without calling first after I went back to pick up my clothes. I had no desire to do that but his continual bantering me alienated me further. He never apologized to me. I think the closest was he told my sister if he had stayed with her he would have lost both children. This was 15 years ago and it still hurts.
There are some good things about my dad but each time I try to trust him he hurts me. So I expect nothing. Of course my dad volunteers to find balloons but the day of the party he calls me to say he can't find a place that sells them.
Sorry for the rambling but the most hurtful incident occured 15 years ago and the other incident recently. A person who does what your parents did isn't going to change as much as you might wish. I think you should stay away from your parents and just accept that some people will think less of you for it. Sorry OP.
+100. There is no explaining truly awful parents to other people. When I was very ill with a brain tumor, my dad told me to not seek treatment, but to go home and die. That was the end for me.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, some people think you should maintain relationships with your family at all costs. I am not one of those people. Sometimes, you are unlucky and end up with family members who are toxic, whatever the reason. If your parents have an awakening and are able to apologize and you want to give them a second chance, great. If not, cut them loose and tell them exactly why you are doing it. Life is too short to deal with negativity and people who treat you badly.
Shrinks. They want you to spend years "working this out" when a simple goodbye would do it.
Anonymous wrote:OP I am on barely speaking terms with my dad and haven't spoken to my mom for more than 25 years. Most people who don't understand the situation think I am a horrible person. Most people can't understand. My parents if you met them a at party wouldn't come across poorly so people think I am the one with a problem. Maybe I could have handled things differently. However, the thought of re conciling with my mom pains me more than the thought of not talking to her. She's done some very cruel things to my sister since the event that triggered me cutting off from her completely. My dad has done some cruel things to me so I expect nothing and have built a wall around me when I see him. He complains that I am cold it's no wonder. I'll never forgive him for letting his then girlfriend kick me out of the house for a minor infraction a few months after college. Think something like leaving the dishes in the sink and she blew up at me and screamed told me to get out. Btw-I did apologize before she went ape. I thought she was going to assault me. I never raised my voice and I left heart broken. She had anger issues and I went to live with GP. Each weekend, he would come alone to his parents and berate me and tell me that I needed to apologize to her. Each time he did this the wound got deeper. He also told me hurtful things like I wasn't allowed to come over without calling first after I went back to pick up my clothes. I had no desire to do that but his continual bantering me alienated me further. He never apologized to me. I think the closest was he told my sister if he had stayed with her he would have lost both children. This was 15 years ago and it still hurts.
There are some good things about my dad but each time I try to trust him he hurts me. So I expect nothing. Of course my dad volunteers to find balloons but the day of the party he calls me to say he can't find a place that sells them.
Sorry for the rambling but the most hurtful incident occured 15 years ago and the other incident recently. A person who does what your parents did isn't going to change as much as you might wish. I think you should stay away from your parents and just accept that some people will think less of you for it. Sorry OP.
Anonymous wrote:OP, some people think you should maintain relationships with your family at all costs. I am not one of those people. Sometimes, you are unlucky and end up with family members who are toxic, whatever the reason. If your parents have an awakening and are able to apologize and you want to give them a second chance, great. If not, cut them loose and tell them exactly why you are doing it. Life is too short to deal with negativity and people who treat you badly.
Anonymous wrote:You first need to establish whether your parents feel genuine regret over what they have done. Only of the answer is affirmative, should you even consider moving forward.
Also, I forgot, did you parents express desir to see your children? What is that look like?
Anonymous wrote:You must be a terrible mother. My mother doesn't like me as a person but even her narcissistic behind will give me credit for being a good mom.
Now you want to interefer with the relationship your kids have with their grandparents? That is their relationship. I hope they don't hate you when they get older. I like my mother about as much as she likes me but that is our issue. It has nothing to do with the relationship she has with my kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Oh and they can't get visitation, very doubtful. What right do they have? I could be wrong.
In many states, grandparents do have rights.