Reply to 17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!

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Reply to "17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I feel pretty strongly that you should ignore this advice, especially about therapy.  PP is acting as if seeking therapy is a sign of weakness, or "brokenness".  My DD had depression.  It is not something you want to wait on and it is not something you want to deal with yourself.  If she spent a month coughing, you would take her to a doctor.  You wouldn't see it as a sign of "brokenness."  This is no different.  Its already possible that she's starting to self-medicate.

Sure, you don't have to assume the Dad is a "dangerous creep," but there's plenty of reason to consider it a possibility and stop him from getting high with your DD.[/quote]

I'm the PP who gave the advice you think OP should ignore, and I actually do not totally disagree with what you've said. I also remember what it was like to change schools in high school and move to a community that was very different from where I grew up. It was hard. Social structures are already set by the time you get into high school, much less by 2nd to last year. It was hard for me to make friends with a group of kids who were very different from my previous friends. I spent a lot of time in MY room and would have been pretty heartbroken and likely to spend MORE time in my room if my mom told me that I could not spend time with the only friend I did have.

I wasn't saying " don't send her to therapy because it means you're weak or a terrible parent or there's something wrong with DD". I was just suggesting that given the life upheaval OP's DD has been through, I would expect some withdrawn-ness and acting out to be normal. It sounded to me like OP and her daughter have the kind of relationship where OP could just talk to her daughter and offer to send her to therapy if she thought it would help. This girl is 17 years old, not 12. She's nearly an adult and should absolutely have some agency in her own mental healthcare decisions.

I also agree that the friend's dad should not be getting high with OP's daughter. I just don't think that his willingness to do that is a clear indication that he's some kind of pothead pervert. If anything, it's a case for the OP getting to know her daughter's friend's parents.

OP, as for your statement about "not bailing her out if she gets arrested", I personally have mixed feelings on the subject. I worry that if your daughter is going to engage in experimentation, she could easily end up in situations that are uncomfortable or dangerous and the hard line approach will prevent her from calling you for help. As a parent, I would rather my child trust me enough to call me if they were scared or feeling unsafe. Obviously, this is not a popular approach and I accept that people probably disagree with me. [/quote]

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