Reply to 17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!

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Reply to "17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP again. I called her friend's home this morning and talked to her mom, who let me know that dad is at work but they will make sure they won't provide any more means for DD to get high. Mom seemed very reasonable, and suggested that I call again after dinner or even come over to their home to talk with both of them, especially since she wasn't the one who smoked with DD.

I also had a talk with DD over lunch, and overall I think it went well. I told her that she can hang out with her friend as long as they don't go to her house (for now) or get in the car with someone high driving. This definitely cheered her up, and she immediately seemed more animated and talkative than before. She said she understands why I feel uncomfortable letting her go to their house, but hopes that after I visit their home and talk to both parents, I might change my mind. I've had the "drugs/alcohol talk" with her before, and reiterated again that she must educate herself before making unwise decisions and that when it comes to drugs. I reminded her that I have a zero tolerance policy regarding what I have the power to enforce (i.e. no drugs under my roof or in my presence, ever), along with the usual "I won't bail you out if you get arrested." DD said she understands and doesn't want to disappoint me, and will continue to be honest about her mistakes as long as I promise not to overreact.

DD responded enthusiastically to my suggestion of volunteering at a local SPCA (she immediately started googling local chapters on her phone), so thanks to the poster who suggested that! She has been begging me to visit friends in San Francisco over summer or winter break, which I told her she can do if she can make enough money to pay for the plane tickets and provides the address and home phone numbers of the friends she will stay with. In the mean time, I'm hoping that whatever job she finds to raise funds will help her meet co-workers in her age group, along with the volunteering.

I suggested a family therapist at the end of the conversation, and DD seemed to doubt it's effectiveness but said she's willing to give it a try. She said that she wants the therapist chosen for her to be a joint decision, which I agreed with, so we will begin our search together soon.

I'm not sure if DD is trying to fit in with the "popular" crowd. Instead, she seems to actively reject a lot of the popular kids at school, and insists that the new school is a lot more socially stratified. DD was always popular as far as I could tell, but that didn't mean that she was at the top of the social totem pole with the designer wardrobe... it just meant that she had a very diverse group of friends from many different social groups. Realistically, I don't think this can happen at her new school. I want DD to learn to appreciate the friends she has right now instead of longing for the past, which I believe a therapist could help with if she doesn't come to that realization on her own.[/quote]

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