Reply to 17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!

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Reply to "17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I think you sound like a great mom and I'm sorry that this transition has been so hard.

First of all, I would not be concerned that you immediately need to send your daughter to therapy. Since you have such a good relationship, you might ask her if she WANTS to go, but feeling isolated after a move to a very different area at the age she is is totally normal. Experimenting with drugs at her age is also pretty normal, and given that you guys were in CA before, probably pot is not as taboo to her as it may be to many people. These things combined would not be enough for me personally to take a hardline stance about therapy. If she wants to go, that's great. If she doesn't, don't force her. She's not BROKEN, she's adjusting after a life shake-up.

Secondly, I disagree with the many PPs who have characterized your daughter's friend's dad as some kind of sick person for getting high with his daughter. Clearly this is pretty normal for this family. My dad smoked pot when I was young (and still does as far as I know). We did not get high together, but I know he has smoked with my brother. I personally am not a fan of the effects, which is probably the only reason. My father and I have certainly had more than a few glasses of wine or cups of coffee together. The people who are up in arms about how pot is DIFFERENT are, in my opinion, overreacting. I think it's important to convey to your daughter the legal aspects that are dangerous. I think it's also important not to assume that her friend's dad is a creep unless there is other more compelling evidence that this is the case. I think it would be totally appropriate for you to have a conversation with the parents saying that you are not okay with them allowing your daughter to use drugs at their house, regardless of whether it's normal for their family, and that you find it disrespectful that they did this without talking to you about it first to get your permission. There's a big difference between thinking that someone made a really bad parenting call and that person being some sort of dangerous creep.

Lastly, I would steer very clear of telling your daughter that she's not allowed to associate with her friend. Taking away your daughter's only close friendship seems pretty drastic and likely to lead to more problems. I think it's probably time to have a(nother) pretty serious and specific conversation about intoxication and peer pressure with your daughter. What my mom did was to set up some pretty clear safety-based ground rules (if you're going to drink, get your own drinks, don't accept anything from anyone you don't know, if you leave your drink for a time, dump it and get a fresh one, always have an exit strategy, use the buddy system, have a designated driver, etc.) and impress upon me that no matter what I was into, it was always okay to call her if I needed help. She trusted my judgment and for the most part, I did not abuse that trust.[/quote]

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