Reply to How do I salvage respect?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How do I salvage respect?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, you've gotten a lot of really good advice about how to handle this here. I would like to offer a little bit more, which counseling could also help with.

You said that your husband believes he does a lot more around the house than you notice, and that when you try to discuss this, the conversation devolves into the same toxic communication patterns. I would suggest not having that conversation anymore without the counselor as a mediator. It's a BIG issue. You feel that he could be contributing more, if he's not going to contribute financially. I think it would be good for you to lay out exactly what those contributions would be, from your perspective. He can then lay out exactly what he's doing that he feels you are ignoring. If he thinks you're not seeing the things he is doing, the responsibility is on him to make those things more visible/alert you to what they are, not on you to suddenly be able to perceive everything. It's possible that he is doing little things that you are not noticing - I have definitely been there before. It's also possible that he is avoiding doing other things that are more important to you - I've been there as well. I suspect that what is going on is actually a combination of those things, but one way or another, it sounds like you guys are unable to talk about it without having a fight in which he feels like you're accusing him of being a lazy loser and you feel like he is accusing you of being an unappreciative nag. Neither of you are either of those things. He is depressed and anxious and you are stressed out and exhausted. What you both need is a break from feeling unheard. The counselor can help with that.

When I was unemployed for a few months, I had grand ideas about all the organizational projects I would accomplish while being home all day. I'd get up in the morning, take DD to preschool and then come home to "check my email really quick and drink some coffee before getting started on the day." Flash forward 6 hours. I would surface from the black hole of the internet to find that it was almost time to get get DD from school, I was still in my PJs and hadn't showered, much less accomplished any of the things that were on my list. Being motivated and organized and creating your own structure requires enormous discipline. It sounds like your husband lacks that discipline, which is not the end of the world. These things can be learned, but they require facing some unpleasant truths about yourself before you can solve them.

Good luck.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics