Reply to Does it make sense for me to die so my family can live?

Forum Index » Money and Finances

Reply to "Does it make sense for me to die so my family can live?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My brother died by suicide 4 years ago, leaving two young children, one who remembers him, one who doesn't (directly, though he talks as if he does - he was an infant).

His widow and children are, in the short term, better off financially.  Survivor's benefits for the kids and widow from Social Security are more than he made after taxes and deductions per month, and his life insurance policies did pay out, even though it was suicide.  The suicide clause was only applicable if the policy was initiated or if the insured amount was increased in the previous 3 years.  They were able to collect all but the increase in coverage that he had added when his second son was born.  So, yes, they are sitting on a lot more money than they ever had when he was alive.

HOWEVER.

The children are changed forever.  My oldest nephew used to be the sweetest, kindest, most curious, most delighted child.  He adored his dad.  At 8, he is now depressed, angry, moody, and listless.  He has suffered enormously.

My youngest nephew misses his dad even though he was too young to remember him.  He constantly looks at pictures and sometimes even cries about how he misses Daddy.  He asked me once why Daddy loved his brother more than him, because there are so many more pictures of my brother with his older son.  He barely spoke before he was 4 years old, and still now rarely speaks.  He had none of the joy of his first four years that his brother did, none of the mental stimulation or emotional bonding.  He will never be the man he would have been if he grew up with my brother.

My brother's widow is a shell of a person, barely functioning.  She has spent more than half of the insurance money already, stupidly.  She has not worked.  She vascillates between nearly catatonic depression and insane rages.  If I weren't scared that I'd never see my nephews again at all, I would try to get custody from her - she is neglectful and abusive.  I try to be compassionate, but it is difficult.

My brother's death was caused by his bipolar disorder, but the fact that the manner of death was suicide will haunt our family forever, but the children most of all.  NO AMOUNT OF MONEY will ever, ever, ever, ever, ever undo the damage that has been done to these children or to us who loved him.

You say you are not depressed, but no rational person would think that suicide is a solution to debt.  Your children and husband will NOT be better off without you.  NEVER.  The minor inconvenience that they face because of less take-home spending money each month that is used for your debt is nothing, nothing compared to the hole in their hearts that you will blow by leaving them voluntarily.

I am 42 and have no retirement savings, either.  None.  My salary is what it was when I was 27.  My husband has stupid credit card debt from a previous marriage.   You are not alone in having a big financial hill to climb, even if all the wealthy folks on DCUM make it seem like you are.  You've got a husband and kids who love you.  You are very employable - even your writing skills alone could get you a job.  Your situation is not that dire, even though it feels so.  And that's why you NEED to get therapy.  If you're in the DC area, I second the recommendation of the Women's Center.  They saved my life and got me back on the path of employment after my brother's suicide knocked me to the bottom of a dark pit.  They can help you.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics