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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP, how is your sex life? I ask because I think that would be the hardest part for me. I would always wonder if he's thinking about the other woman, does he really love and want me. I don't think I could open myself up to him again emotionally after an affair.[/quote]

I'm the pp whose husband had a year long affair w/ coworker. I could not be intimate with DH at the beginning. I would try, but my imagination would run wild thinking of all the things he did with the OW. I'd completely get turned off during the act and have to tell him to stop. To his credit, my DH did not push me on this issue. Despite having these terrible things running in my head, we did keep trying and eventually (I want to say within a few weeks) I was able to "finish" with DH. The thoughts still ran in my head for sure, but they weren't intrusive enough that I had to call a halt to things.

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A friend of mine had an affair and told me something that helped me. While affair sex is new and release of pent up stuff and forbidden and all of those things, it's also two normal, every day people having sex. It's not a movie set with perfect lighting and make up and great camera angles. Especially if it's going on for months, she said it got to the point where even when the sex was good there was no way to avoid some awkwardness that starts to set in once the initial rush and infatuation start to wear off.

Not saying that took away my pain and dispair but it did help cut through some of the black and white thinking of what had happened. DH's sex face is DH's sex face. I doubt that got more glamorous during an affair. Ultimately, my friend, DH, and DH's other woman all went back to their spouses. At the end of the day it was an escape but if you look at the people who recover from affairs, people tend to welcome and even pine for and appreciate the reality of marriage. I'm not going to compare myself to illicit affair sex, but there is something to be said for real intimacy. Like I said, doesn't make it all go away but helped me accept that affairs eventually meet reality too. [/quote]

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