Reply to S/O Why can’t moms just chill and be nice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know but I was at a dinner last night with a group of moms and walked away feeling horribly bullied. I haven't felt this bad about a social interaction since high school.  [/quote]

Ugh. I’m sorry. What happened? Were these people you consider friends?

OP, it varies and is luck of the draw. Steer clear of Queen types. [/quote]
These are folks who are supposed to be friends, though I no longer put them in that category.  The dynamic has been trending this way for a while and I'm done.

I'm very comfortable making my own decisions while this group likes to focus on everyone having made the same choices.  I've chosen not to dye my grays, go to the same Pilates classes, learn to play mahjong, have the same rules for my tween's phone use, buy the same type of cars or clothes or jewelry, etc.  I didn't care to conform in middle school and I'm certainly not in 40s, no matter how you speak to me.  I have never criticized any aspect of their appearance or their choices, but here we are.  They seem to think that I'm fair game for criticism.[/quote]

OP, were they always like this though? You say you used to be friends with them but then your choices diverged and they started judging you. Were you conforming before? Were they previously welcoming to people who didn't conform?

IME women like this have always been this way and always will be. I have never been this way and learned a long time ago that I can't really hack it. I don't want to dress the same and do all the same stuff. It feels stifling to me. I'd rather have fewer friends and have to do things on my own more often than be a part of a cohesive group that enforces cohesion through conformity. It's just not for me. It sounds to me like you've outgrown this group and are more comfortable new just being yourself and making your own choices, and they are doing what groups like this do and closing ranks against you because your individuality is a threat to the cohesion of the group.[/quote]Our kids are on the same team so we'd all been friendly for a while, though never really a friend group per se.  This is the first season I've seen clique behavior really develop and I don't like it.  I'm out.  I'll keep a couple of 1:1 relationships, but will not be a part of the group.[/quote]

How is this bullying behavior?   Ok so some moms have become closer and hang out beyond just being soccer friends.  Are they being rude or mean to u[/quote]

Sorry hit submit.  Are they being rude or mean to you?  Or just not inviting you when they hang out outside of soccer?   Do they ignore you on purpose or do they just talk amongst themselves and not necessarily include you?   [/quote]

OP expressly said that these women judge her for not dying her hair, following the same exercise regimen, making different parenting choices, etc. I think that counts as "being rude or mean." [/quote]

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