Reply to What do you think you did right to have a close relationship with your adult child?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think how parents behave when their kids have young children becomes a flashpoint because it's such a stressful time for people. Those years with young kids are exhausting. And these days with most famlies having two incomes yet still struggling with rising housing and other costs? It can be some of the hardest, most unhappy years in your life.

Of course you hope your parents will support you through a hard time.

Instead I think what can happen is that the parents just don't perceive their adult kids as needing help during this time. Often the birth of grandkids coincides with the grandparents retiring and wanting to travel or engage in their hobbies. So there's this disconnect where the adult kids are struggling, feel overwhelmed, feel like they need help, and when they turn to their parents, the response is "oh you'll figure it out, now let me tell you all about our cruise in Greece!" It's alienating.

I think if you value your relationship with your adult kids, you need to be sensitive to when they need more help and support, and the years with young kids are among the most important ones to be there for. I don't think it's just about free babysitting, I think it's more broadly about recognizing your adult child may be seeking emotional support, reassurance, cheerleading, or, yes, practical support during that time.[/quote]

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