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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
When you apply to top schools as a top student:

EXPECT REJECTION.

This is the category of applicants most likely to get a rejection even when they check all the boxes. Not because they're unqualified. Because there aren't enough seats.

OP, this was on YOU to reiterate to your child that applying to such schools was probably going to lead to nothing. Statistically, this is what happens. So your child had the statistically realistic outcome. None of this should come as a surprise. Again, not because she's a bad candidate. Just because there is extremely little chance of being accepted at any of these schools.

Parents really need to understand this!
[/quote]

You're a jerk.

Understanding the low odds and expecting the worst outcome does not actually innoculate everyone from disappointment.

Here's an example:

What are the odds of winning an olympic medal?? Very low!!  But if you're in the top 10% of contenders for medalling in your sport and you fall short, what happens?

Both things - logically, you know that the odds of you winning were very, very low. Even though you're an absolute superstar in your sport. So you can console yourself with those facts - you knew going in that you were not likely to medal. The numbers were never in your favor.

AND even so, you are likely to feel crushing disappointment. In part because of how much you invested in the process and how much you genuinely wanted to reach your goal. And in part because you're so very exhausted by the process that got you there in the first place. There's a huge release of emotions - relief that the process is over, but also HUGE disappointment and sadness and maybe even some dark feelings of regret about having invested so much hard work only to fall short.

Those are big, powerful, and REAL feelings - EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW ALL ALONG HOW SMALL THE ODDS ACTUALLY WERE.

Statistics are real. And logic is very helpful in interpreting situations.

But feelings are feelings. They'e real, too. And we all have them - whether or not they seem logical or "preventable," and whether or not we're aware of them at the time.

Cheers to you if you think that assuming the worst outcome will innoculate you from disappointment in life. If that works for you, great!!

Personally, that does not work for me at all. In order to marshall all my inner resources (drive, ambition, advocacy), I often need to focus on the BEST outcome - to motivate myself to invest everything I possibly can to achieve an ambitious and low-odds goal. Sometimes it works, and I'm exhausted but overjoyed. Other times it does not, and I'm exhausted and disappointed.

Either way, I feel my feelings and keep on living my life. I know OP's DD will do the same. But yes, the disappointment is real. Hugs to you, OP.

[/quote]

PP you replied to. Again. One of my children has a chronic disease that causes her pain and suffering. We have felt far more sadness, anxiety and depression over her health than the college disappointment my other child experienced - because he knows what's important in life, and it's not about which college admits you. He worked really hard and was rejected from his reaches. He got over it rapidly: the degree of effort you put in does not entitle you to a college.

Perspective is what you need. Unfortunately most humans need to experience pain before they develop perspective.

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