Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?
Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more
Ok. Thanks for telling us you are a troll.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
When you apply to top schools as a top student:
EXPECT REJECTION.
This is the category of applicants most likely to get a rejection even when they check all the boxes. Not because they're unqualified. Because there aren't enough seats.
OP, this was on YOU to reiterate to your child that applying to such schools was probably going to lead to nothing. Statistically, this is what happens. So your child had the statistically realistic outcome. None of this should come as a surprise. Again, not because she's a bad candidate. Just because there is extremely little chance of being accepted at any of these schools.
Parents really need to understand this!
You're a jerk.
Understanding the low odds and expecting the worst outcome does not actually innoculate everyone from disappointment.
Here's an example:
What are the odds of winning an olympic medal?? Very low!! But if you're in the top 10% of contenders for medalling in your sport and you fall short, what happens?
Both things - logically, you know that the odds of you winning were very, very low. Even though you're an absolute superstar in your sport. So you can console yourself with those facts - you knew going in that you were not likely to medal. The numbers were never in your favor.
AND even so, you are likely to feel crushing disappointment. In part because of how much you invested in the process and how much you genuinely wanted to reach your goal. And in part because you're so very exhausted by the process that got you there in the first place. There's a huge release of emotions - relief that the process is over, but also HUGE disappointment and sadness and maybe even some dark feelings of regret about having invested so much hard work only to fall short.
Those are big, powerful, and REAL feelings - EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW ALL ALONG HOW SMALL THE ODDS ACTUALLY WERE.
Statistics are real. And logic is very helpful in interpreting situations.
But feelings are feelings. They'e real, too. And we all have them - whether or not they seem logical or "preventable," and whether or not we're aware of them at the time.
Cheers to you if you think that assuming the worst outcome will innoculate you from disappointment in life. If that works for you, great!!
Personally, that does not work for me at all. In order to marshall all my inner resources (drive, ambition, advocacy), I often need to focus on the BEST outcome - to motivate myself to invest everything I possibly can to achieve an ambitious and low-odds goal. Sometimes it works, and I'm exhausted but overjoyed. Other times it does not, and I'm exhausted and disappointed.
Either way, I feel my feelings and keep on living my life. I know OP's DD will do the same. But yes, the disappointment is real. Hugs to you, OP.
PP you replied to. Again. One of my children has a chronic disease that causes her pain and suffering. We have felt far more sadness, anxiety and depression over her health than the college disappointment my other child experienced - because he knows what's important in life, and it's not about which college admits you. He worked really hard and was rejected from his reaches. He got over it rapidly: the degree of effort you put in does not entitle you to a college.
Perspective is what you need. Unfortunately most humans need to experience pain before they develop perspective.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?
Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more
Ok. Thanks for telling us you are a troll.
I’m not a troll. I posted yesterday about Vanderbilt. My daughter is so upset, and is having a hard time. She feels very dissatisfied.
You are not supposed to start a new thread with the same topic. You are supposed to return to the original thread with and say: Update.
Look, OP. If you are not a troll: It is fine to let kids be disappointed for a day but you need to intervene. Maybe she needs therapy. Maybe she needs to do a day of community service or hard labor. Maybe she needs a time out. Someone who is so disappointed about acceptance into multiple ivies plus Northwestern and others is going to have serious problems in life. Help her get used to not getting exactly every little thing she wants just as she wants it. I am not being mean. She will have major problems in college and beyond if you don't deal with this.
Is this a joke?
Do you genuinely think someone should "get over" their disappointment in a single day?
And that if they don't, something's so wrong that a therapist needs to be involved?
Think of the biggest disappointment in your life. The thing that made you the saddest you'd ever been at that stage in your life. Forget about whether anyone else would have been sad or disappointed in that situation. Just think back and remember your feelings. Maybe that will help you find empathy for someone else in pain.
No joke. Kid can attend Northwestern, Dartmouth, Cornell, Vanderbilt... I can't even remember the surplus of incredible schools and yet is apparently so distraught that her mother has started not one but TWO threads on how to help her. This kid has unrealistic expectations about life if these results are so difficult.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?
Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more
Ok. Thanks for telling us you are a troll.
I’m not a troll. I posted yesterday about Vanderbilt. My daughter is so upset, and is having a hard time. She feels very dissatisfied.
You are not modeling healthy coping strategies. She needs to go to admitted students days and pick the one that suits her best.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
When you apply to top schools as a top student:
EXPECT REJECTION.
This is the category of applicants most likely to get a rejection even when they check all the boxes. Not because they're unqualified. Because there aren't enough seats.
OP, this was on YOU to reiterate to your child that applying to such schools was probably going to lead to nothing. Statistically, this is what happens. So your child had the statistically realistic outcome. None of this should come as a surprise. Again, not because she's a bad candidate. Just because there is extremely little chance of being accepted at any of these schools.
Parents really need to understand this!
You're a jerk.
Understanding the low odds and expecting the worst outcome does not actually innoculate everyone from disappointment.
Here's an example:
What are the odds of winning an olympic medal?? Very low!! But if you're in the top 10% of contenders for medalling in your sport and you fall short, what happens?
Both things - logically, you know that the odds of you winning were very, very low. Even though you're an absolute superstar in your sport. So you can console yourself with those facts - you knew going in that you were not likely to medal. The numbers were never in your favor.
AND even so, you are likely to feel crushing disappointment. In part because of how much you invested in the process and how much you genuinely wanted to reach your goal. And in part because you're so very exhausted by the process that got you there in the first place. There's a huge release of emotions - relief that the process is over, but also HUGE disappointment and sadness and maybe even some dark feelings of regret about having invested so much hard work only to fall short.
Those are big, powerful, and REAL feelings - EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW ALL ALONG HOW SMALL THE ODDS ACTUALLY WERE.
Statistics are real. And logic is very helpful in interpreting situations.
But feelings are feelings. They'e real, too. And we all have them - whether or not they seem logical or "preventable," and whether or not we're aware of them at the time.
Cheers to you if you think that assuming the worst outcome will innoculate you from disappointment in life. If that works for you, great!!
Personally, that does not work for me at all. In order to marshall all my inner resources (drive, ambition, advocacy), I often need to focus on the BEST outcome - to motivate myself to invest everything I possibly can to achieve an ambitious and low-odds goal. Sometimes it works, and I'm exhausted but overjoyed. Other times it does not, and I'm exhausted and disappointed.
Either way, I feel my feelings and keep on living my life. I know OP's DD will do the same. But yes, the disappointment is real. Hugs to you, OP.
Anonymous wrote:One of my kids was like that, even though they were admitted to multiple Ivies (just not to the top three they wanted). Yes, I am bragging but I am also commiserating with OP. It still hurts me to think about. Life is so painful. My other kids have experienced losses and disappointments too, in other arenas. It's hard because you want to tell them the right thing to make it better but all you can do is help them get through to the other side.
Yes, I know this is a "privileged" or entitled problem to have but that doesn't make it any less painful so f-off ahead of time to the haters.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?
Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more
Ok. Thanks for telling us you are a troll.
I’m not a troll. I posted yesterday about Vanderbilt. My daughter is so upset, and is having a hard time. She feels very dissatisfied.
You are not supposed to start a new thread with the same topic. You are supposed to return to the original thread with and say: Update.
Look, OP. If you are not a troll: It is fine to let kids be disappointed for a day but you need to intervene. Maybe she needs therapy. Maybe she needs to do a day of community service or hard labor. Maybe she needs a time out. Someone who is so disappointed about acceptance into multiple ivies plus Northwestern and others is going to have serious problems in life. Help her get used to not getting exactly every little thing she wants just as she wants it. I am not being mean. She will have major problems in college and beyond if you don't deal with this.
Is this a joke?
Do you genuinely think someone should "get over" their disappointment in a single day?
And that if they don't, something's so wrong that a therapist needs to be involved?
Think of the biggest disappointment in your life. The thing that made you the saddest you'd ever been at that stage in your life. Forget about whether anyone else would have been sad or disappointed in that situation. Just think back and remember your feelings. Maybe that will help you find empathy for someone else in pain.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?
Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more
Ok. Thanks for telling us you are a troll.
I’m not a troll. I posted yesterday about Vanderbilt. My daughter is so upset, and is having a hard time. She feels very dissatisfied.
You are not supposed to start a new thread with the same topic. You are supposed to return to the original thread with and say: Update.
Look, OP. If you are not a troll: It is fine to let kids be disappointed for a day but you need to intervene. Maybe she needs therapy. Maybe she needs to do a day of community service or hard labor. Maybe she needs a time out. Someone who is so disappointed about acceptance into multiple ivies plus Northwestern and others is going to have serious problems in life. Help her get used to not getting exactly every little thing she wants just as she wants it. I am not being mean. She will have major problems in college and beyond if you don't deal with this.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?
Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more
Ok. Thanks for telling us you are a troll.
I’m not a troll. I posted yesterday about Vanderbilt. My daughter is so upset, and is having a hard time. She feels very dissatisfied.
Anonymous wrote:
When you apply to top schools as a top student:
EXPECT REJECTION.
This is the category of applicants most likely to get a rejection even when they check all the boxes. Not because they're unqualified. Because there aren't enough seats.
OP, this was on YOU to reiterate to your child that applying to such schools was probably going to lead to nothing. Statistically, this is what happens. So your child had the statistically realistic outcome. None of this should come as a surprise. Again, not because she's a bad candidate. Just because there is extremely little chance of being accepted at any of these schools.
Parents really need to understand this!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?
Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more
Ok. Thanks for telling us you are a troll.
I’m not a troll. I posted yesterday about Vanderbilt. My daughter is so upset, and is having a hard time. She feels very dissatisfied.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?
Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more
Ok. Thanks for telling us you are a troll.
I’m not a troll. I posted yesterday about Vanderbilt. My daughter is so upset, and is having a hard time. She feels very dissatisfied.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
I felt like her counselor didn't do their job.
These are sub-5% schools in RD, H, Y, Penn, Duke, and JHU are extremely unlikely. Lottery.
Why didn't she ED to these schools?
Her chance of getting in one of these is much higher if she EA UVA, ED Penn, and ED2 JHU.
She was deferred from UVA, then waitlisted. She applied RD to UPenn & JHU.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s really feeling down right now. She’s been waitlisted or rejected her top-choice schools, and it hurts. She feels angry and like a failure who worked so hard for nothing and is worried her future won’t look the same. She’s been sad, worried, and crying a lot. We’re not sure how to help her through this or what to do next.
Which schools was she waitlisted from? Some of them move. Work with your school-based counselor to develop a strategy for the best opportunity and let that school know in no uncertain terms that you will enroll if offered a spot. Hang in there!
She doesn’t feel very hopeful. She was waitlisted at JHU, Duke, UVA, Harvard, Yale, and UPenn.
Wow, being WL at any one of these schools is a sign that your DD was extremely competitive among the applicant pool. What is at the top of the ones where she was accepted?
Cornell
Northwestern
Dartmouth
Umich
Brown
Vanderbilt & more
Ok. Thanks for telling us you are a troll.