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[quote=Anonymous]If you understand marriage and parenthood as long-term relationships with priorities that change over time, then there is no simple answer to the question.

When the kids are young, the kids first. They need you for survival, then for lots of guidance and protection. As they age, they become more capable of caring for themselves. BUT, THEY ARE ALWAYS YOUR CHILDREN. ALWAYS. Marriages end, your status as a parent does not.

When the kids are older and more independent, then the marriage/spouse take up more time and energy.

I would hope that DH would also put the kids first before me when the kids are young. That is what makes me happy as his wife.

Frankly, I see the resentful DHs as stunted emotionally. Do not compete with your wife for your (young) children's time and energy, especially if you have an infant. Once the kids are in school, yes, your priorities change. But so long as you have a baby at home, both parents should be focusing their energies on the child.

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