Reply to For those who want a Parent to move to an AL..

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]What about you? What are your long term plans so that you won’t be a burden to your children, as you seem to complain about your elderly parent. Do you have a plan in place for a retirement community,downsizing,long term facility? We will all be old sooner or later, if lucky in health, or unlucky some might think.

Would you live in the same place that you want to send your parent and why so much anger/frustration that they want to age in place? I get it.[/quote]

I'm going to ignore the weirdly hostile tone of this question and answer to the best of my abilities. First, spouse and I are looking at one level home or condo with a smaller footprint and fewer things to manage. We are also considering a CCRC, with the caveat that we have no idea where our children will end up, and we know from experience that it is very hard on middle age folks who have kids of their own to keep flying back and forth to check in on parents because, no matter how good your AL is, when the sh*t hits the fan someone needs to be there to help. At the point where we can't manage on our own or with help, we will move to AL near the child that wants us nearby (if either of them do, if not, so be it, we choose the CCRC where we want to be). we have also written a regular advanced directive and a dementia directive. We have saved enough money to fund care and are looking into an insurance policy with a LTC rider for additional cushion.

We were content to let my mother age in place with help coming in until 1) she got in 3 car accidents in a year (ultimately we took the keys) ; 2) she fell and broke her collarbone and needed a lot of emotional handholding as well as physical care and 3) she was scammed out of something like 200k. At that point, we had to intervene so that she would not lose all the money that could help her age well.  She agreed to move to AL near me (and her grandkids) and chose a place she was relatively happy in, until her dementia got so bad she had to move to memory care. Until the bitter end, she recognized me, and I saw there almost daily, which meant I could look out for her in a way that I could never do had she "aged in place" alone across the country without the ability to even make a phone call.

While its important to respect the choices and autonomy of our family members, it is also important to recognize when they are no longer able to care for themselves. [/quote]

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