Reply to For those who want a Parent to move to an AL..

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "For those who want a Parent to move to an AL.."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can’t tell if the OP is just being snarky or just has no experience becoming the parent to their aging, demented parents, or living in the sandwich generation, but I’ll bite.

I’ve already gone through my stuff with my only child/ only beneficiary (I am early 50’s, he is early 20’s).  He wants anything that might remotely have value so he can be the hoarder, no skin off my back.  Anything he doesn’t want has already been cleaned out.  It was emotionally difficult disposing of two sets of grandparents vacation slides, love letters, pictures of people who I’ll never be able to identify, college yearbooks and the like.  I should add, in addition to the two sets of grandparents I also ended up with my parents things and my uncle’s, as my mom was his sole beneficiary.  Admittedly I still have a closet of their boxes, but only because my son wants the contents.

[b]I half joke that if I ever get like my mom, who is about ten years in from the first dementia symptoms, two years into memory care and almost a year into a mostly vegetative state, that I want my son to put me in a car, start up that engine and close that garage door.  Come back in a few hours and the issue would have taken care of itself.[/b]

It’s about quality of life, practicality and financial responsibility.  Would my mom be thrilled her legacy and everything she and my dad skimped and saved for is going to pay for her care (so far about $500k over the past four years)?  She’d be absolutely devastated.  Broken.  But it is what it is, and there’s no way in good conscience I couldn’t be providing her the best care money can afford.

So there you go, I’m making plans.  If my son won’t go along with my car-in-the-garage idea I’ll move to a continuing care place while I’m still able to enjoy some of their offerings.  But in a low cost of living area.  After what has been my life for the past ten years I would never burden my child with the same path.[/quote]

A friend's mom said she "didn't want to be a burden," and that she was going to do this. Her kids begged her not to. She was going to miss out on her grandkids' lives. It was very tense and they were walking on eggshells, right up until she did it. Then they were sad, but also angry. It was also a theme in the latest Morning Show--Billy Crudup's character begged his mom not to kill herself. This will never go how you expect it to.

Also, I think it's weird to tell your kids you won't be a burden and creates an unhealthy dynamic. You can think it all you want, plan for it all you want, but why do you have to specifically tell your kids?!?![/quote]

I’m planning to do this but I’m not telling my kids, and I certainly wouldn’t want them to do the work for it! Ridiculous. I’m putting myself in the garage myself.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics