Reply to How do people in dead bedroom marriages cope?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean ... I've just managed.

DH has zero interest, and I'm not going to force him. [b]He does not want to discuss it[/b], and I'm not going to force him to. [b]It bothered me[/b] for a while, when I was younger and had a stronger sex drive, but I got over it. When your spouse is amazing in every other regard, you can live without it. DH and I have been together for over 20 years and I still feel like I won the lottery because [b]he's so great [/b]and our life is better than anything I could have wished for. If that weren't the case? I wouldn't have put up with the dead bedroom part.

I also think that people who are in sexless marriages due to no fault of their own have the right to go look for that particular thing elsewhere and it is no business of the other spouse -- but I never have as I have enough to juggle in life, lol; too much trouble. [/quote]

He's so great, but he refuses to discuss something that bothers his spouse? Sounds like a contradiction. Usually being a good spouse requires being attentive to your partner's wants and needs. Doesn't mean you have to 100% comply with everything, but at least discuss the difference. Are we to we believe sex is the only time he ignores your needs and wants? If yes, why does he become so selfish when it comes to sex, but he's very generous all other times?[/quote]

DP.

Her DH is human, and humans are complicated. Yes, her DH is selfish in this one issue. He may be selfish in other issues too, but if the other issues align with her needs, she might not notice.

Staying with him does not excuse his behavior or his selfishness. She is staying for herself because the marriage works for her despite of his ridiculous attitude in this one area.

Sexual compatibility is one of many areas in a marriage. One can be unhappy in that area and still overall happy in others. Perhaps a sex addict, for instance, could not be in a sexless marriage, but different people value different things.

Leaving a marriage with children when the main issue is sexual compatibility is probably exchanging one set of problems for another.  Say you or your spouse finds someone you are more compatible with. What are the chances that your children like this person? What are the odds that their children like you? And if this new person was so great, why did their spouse divorce them? Too many odds of things going wrong for a chance at having sex. And then what happens if the new partner ends up being selfish in the same area and more? You leave again and add a third set of parents for the kids. Sex is great, but it is neither oxygen nor water.[/quote]

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