Reply to I wish I was chill

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you can, OP, I would recommend trying to find mechanisms to cope with this, lessen it. I am in the process of doing the same, and it isn't easy. I am now in my 60s. Type A, not chill has helped me in so many ways in life. I am the fixer, if you will. But now that I am at a stage of no one needing me to fix things, all my chill friends who I have always been there for, aren't there for me now that I could use some help. I understand that this isn't their responsibility. But it has been a shock to understand that having always taken care of myself and others, that in hindsight those people always, basically, just took from me. And when I no longer can help them with their careers or kids or money or whatever it is, I'm just irritating.

I am realizing I am depressed at this point. And I woke up today deciding I will look into anti-depressants. So finding your post first thing this morning feels like a sign that I have to do something different to solve this.  [/quote]

As a PP stated up thread. Chill people aren't on alert and are surprised when things go sideways. I would contend a Chill person doesn't have the skill set to help you solve your problems. Which, as you said, is not their job anyway. As a result, there is no motivation to help, but are happy to receive it when they are "surprised" but something occurring in their lives.[/quote]

Example A of being judgmental and condescending. [/quote]

Believe it or not, I didn't mean it that way. I was trying to say that a person who doesn't spend a great deal of time making sure that there is a plan for any eventuality is not going to have ready answers to help. They also might think: What's the big deal? Perhaps rightly. It can be unrealistic to think that a chill person is going to be a go-to person to provide help. [/quote]

This was my therapist’s response to a similar comment about needing to have back up plans for several scenarios:  you don’t need to plan out several scenarios, you are a capable intelligent person who will be able to make decisions should something arise.  It’s okay to make plans for something like realizing your made plane reservations on the Friday before Palm Sunday and the airport will be crazy- but once you make the plan don’t go over it over and over.  Set it aside and do your plan.

I will say, it really helped me and I am not as anxious of a person and I have more bandwidth to enjoy life a bit more. [/quote]

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