Reply to If you live in a ‘popular’ location, do you ever get asked to host people who aren’t family or direct friends but rather

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help. [/quote]

It’s not snarky, you really just say no.

“Hi Aunt Jane. I’m sorry I am not able host your friends.”[/quote]

I did this once and years later I heard “you didn’t host my best friend Larla”. I was shocked that I was ‘reminded’ of this situation, because it was objectively a very inopportune moment: life wise and logistic wise.

I still have no regret for saying ’no’, because it was the right decision for me, and I’d have made the same decision over and over, but you need to plan for some resentment from your family member.

I have asked an acquaintance to host me, and they did, but I regretted asking (not because of how they hosted me - I just realized how full their schedules were and that I inconvenienced them). I have always gotten a hotel since then, no matter how close I am to the person in the other town.

[/quote]

Op exactly. I’ve had this happen already. So I’m sensitive to family dynamics. I want to find a more graceful way to decline. [/quote]

Why do you want to bend over backwards to accommodate someone who is rude and unthoughtful? I say this seriously, you need to discuss that in therapy. It sounds like maybe you're single? Not sure of your age and if you want to be married, but your mindset is setting you up for a world of potential hurt, not just romantically but with friendships and professionally. I'm serious. [/quote]

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