Reply to When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences. [/quote]

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2.  Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike.  But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general.  This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend.  OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners.  This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.[/quote]

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others. [/quote]

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.[/quote]

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class.  Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular.  If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well.  If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party.  I mean, seriously.  
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with.  That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that.  You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time. [/quote]

Last year, I made DD invite all the girls in her class including two girls (different girls from this class) she did not want to invite. Both girls had parties and also did not invite DD last year. We still invited both. One girl came. The other girl didn’t. They are still not friends.

With my teen son, I’m fairly certain we were the only family who invited all the boys in sixth grade. He always had big parties so it was easy to invite all the boys and the entire sports team. Depending on the year, we would invite 2-3 full teams plus the boys in class plus family friends I added.

My daughter is so much more stubborn. She won’t budge. [/quote]

So tell her she doesn't have to invite the girls she doesn't want to invite from the class, but she needs to cut out 2 other girls from her class too, to make it closer to half of the girls and not so obviously just excluding these 2.  And give it up with the "girls she has known forever and who are the kids of my bestie" and the "girl that's mean but her mom is really active in the community and it would be socially beneficial to invite her" (I can't believe you really said that, omg).    She doesn't have to invite girls who aren't in her class who she isn't friends with.

But you're clearly just looking for an excuse to do whatever your DD wants because you have no ability to say no to her. "She won't budge"?  Is she the one sending out the invites and booking the venue?[/quote]

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