Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what happens at the party? The two girls likely won't have fun because they are not friends with the other girls.

They also still won't be friends after the party unless you plan on making your daughter invite them to play at recess and on the weekend.

This is not about the girls who are left out or teaching your daughter anything.
It's about you and your virtue signaling.

They are friends with the other girls in the class, just not with OP's daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

One girl is a troublemaker, doesn’t like DD and DD doesn’t like her. I don’t know the other girl at all. I don’t know what she looks like. I met her mom at a school event a month ago and she didn’t know who my daughter was either.

I was going to force her to invite them and then DD started getting upset. DH thinks we have to invite the girls of the parents we know well more than the girls in her class.

DD went to several parties over the past few weeks and none of them had all the girls in the class. And yes, the same two girls were not at any of the parties.

I don't get why you keep posting. You don't want advice, you want permission. You don't need our permission to exclude the 2 girls from her class that all of the other moms and daughters have apparently been excluding the past few months. You have free will. And your DH can try to manage his adult social life through his 9 year old daughter by insisting she invite the daughters of his and your friends even though they aren't in her class and she doesn't like them. Just go do what you want to do instead of posting over and over that this is what you want to do when people give you unanimous advice that what you're doing is nasty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

One girl is a troublemaker, doesn’t like DD and DD doesn’t like her. I don’t know the other girl at all. I don’t know what she looks like. I met her mom at a school event a month ago and she didn’t know who my daughter was either.

I was going to force her to invite them and then DD started getting upset. DH thinks we have to invite the girls of the parents we know well more than the girls in her class.

DD went to several parties over the past few weeks and none of them had all the girls in the class. And yes, the same two girls were not at any of the parties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

Last year, I made DD invite all the girls in her class including two girls (different girls from this class) she did not want to invite. Both girls had parties and also did not invite DD last year. We still invited both. One girl came. The other girl didn’t. They are still not friends.

With my teen son, I’m fairly certain we were the only family who invited all the boys in sixth grade. He always had big parties so it was easy to invite all the boys and the entire sports team. Depending on the year, we would invite 2-3 full teams plus the boys in class plus family friends I added.

My daughter is so much more stubborn. She won’t budge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At no age is it okay to invite all the girls in your class but two. If you end up at a tiny high school with 15 girls in your grade, it would not be okay to invite 13 of them to your 18th birthday.

We don't invite the girls that have violent outbursts and throw chairs and scissors in class. Usually it's just one, but somtimes two in a class.

Anonymous wrote:OP: Figure out what type of party you are having, figure out the space needed, and set a number for the guest list. Let your child decide who she wants to invite.

DS's largest ES party was K, we invited pretty much all the boys. After that, we asked him who he wanted to invite. He gave us his list. We would ask if there were some additional kids he wanted to include, based on shared interests and activities. Sometimes he said yes but mainly he said no. There are some kids he has invited to specific parties but not sleep overs because the kid is just too much. We don't post pictures of the party or make much of a mention of it because we don't want to hurt anyone, but we are not inviting a kid our son doesn't want to invite.

He is in 8th grade now, so I get that it is different, but we have always held the opinion that he knows who he wants to hang out with and if he doesn't want to invite a particular child then we need to respect that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.