Reply to Oprah podcast on estranged families

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cannot with all the people who seem to think this is the hardest time in human history and no one has ever had it this bad ever. Hothouse flowers all of them. [/quote]

I don’t think the doctor said it was the hardest time, she said it was a dramatically different time for younger people than it was 30 years ago. As someone in their late 50s I agree with her.

I see so many parents go on about “when I was a kid….”  Well, you’re not a kid. When I was a kid I could make a mistake and not worry about it being being recorded and shared with anyone and everyone on social media.  Work didn’t expect you to respond to texts and emails at any time. People couldn’t hound you like they can today and ask why you didn’t answer their text, voicemail or email. My parents didn’t except to hear from me everyday when I went to college. Long distance calls were expensive. People didn’t have answering machines. Call waiting was a big deal. Everyone is demanding your attention and texts and emails take no real effort so people overuse them, especially people that tend toward controlling behavior or need lots of attention.

The expectation to have so much contact and communication can be overwhelming. Some people refuse to or can’t understand that. I tend to have stricter boundaries with them these days and it took a long time for me to get to that point.

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Eh, I think you have a skewed perspective, pp.

I’m a 50 something Gen X with a handful of kids. I tried to raise them with my Gen X sensibility, and while I realize things are different now, I don’t think the things you point to are problematic. Rather, I suspect you are more of an introvert OR you’ve become accustomed to hiding behind technology/social media rather than engaging appropriately.

You mentioned this generation having it harder since work expects constant and immediate access. I think we had it harder in terms of 5 days/week in the office and the fact that your colleagues or boss could pop into your office or call you on the phone. This really isn’t a thing anymore since most people work remotely and freak out if you call without messaging first to see if they can take a call.

Young people today leverage technology to hide or simulate human contact, and I think that’s a real problem.

Gen X still had family connectivity. We bothered to show up or call on the phone. We knew how to make small talk and pick up a stranger in a bar or club without resorting to online dating.

I think moving far away from your family is damaging in and of itself, and that certainly has become more common. It’s sad.

The whole “I need to set boundaries” thing is so weird to my Gen X generation. People who think that way about their loved ones likely are the common denominator in their bad relationships and drama.

And Oprah is awful. Like, bigly.

Nobody should take advice from a single, childless person with a God complex who hasn’t done anything notable other than build a fortune. Her philanthropy is lackluster; she has hoarded money for what—for whom? [/quote]

PP here. Actually I’m an extrovert and also someone who stayed in contact with people by phone calls, letters and emails, rather than Facebook, texts and whats app.

Picking up people in bars is not everyone’s cup of tea and not every Gen Xer wanted to go to clubs and bars to meet people. Fortunately there were other ways to meet people and those ways still exist today. Sports, clubs, parties, friends, etc.

Plenty of people still have to show up for work—my family members included. I am just tired of older people referring to the younger generation as being “hot house flowers.”  It’s like 75 and 80 year old parents who always need to put down anything different or new because “in our day we didn’t need helmets or car seats or seatbelts and we’re fine!”
 Yeah, you’re fine but plenty of kids weren’t.

I wish I lived closer to my family and have a good relationship with them. I have friends that live close to family and have for so long that they don’t even see how awful their parents are. I’ve watched grandparents favor some grandchildren over others. You’re not being a good parent if you let your parents treat your child poorly.

I have a difficult sibling and we aren’t estranged because I made it clear that if they wanted to be in my family’s lives, they were not allowed to lash out at my kids or spouse because they were having a tough time. Get help and change or we’ll stay distant. They got help. [/quote]

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