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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a super interesting thread. In some ways, I can see how the validation of feelings is important in the moment because they are emotional and all they want to do is vent and feel and be heard rather than corrected. So the poster who mentioned timing is important. But I also think we don't actually have to say that much. Just listen. And maybe ask open-ended questions that lead them to come to revelation on their own. After listening and validating, maybe say: 'why do you think it made you so upset and embarrassed', in the case of the homework, for example. They might recognize that they were embarrassed because they made they forgot their homework. And then ask, "what do you think you can do differently so you don't forget your homework again?" The bigger message I struggle to impart with my own daughter is correcting the 'its not my fault' mentality. I know its a defense mechanism but part of maturing is accepting responsibility for mistakes and thinking about what you could do differently. So it definitely resonates with me that validation alone is problematic because it also validates that mentality and lack of ownership over mistakes.[/quote]

For a teenager with an underdeveloped brain, these questions can sound more like an attack and trigger defensiveness and shutdown.

Remember it’s a process and validation is step one to a very structured process.[/quote]

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