Reply to Wwyd re father in law

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Was this the first time you met and interacted with this man? And no, normally family doesn't pay for meals when they visit. My parents or ILs never do. Neither do we when we visit and stay with them. We don't see them so often that this would be a problem and we mostly have homecooked meals anyway. Paying is normally for friends, who you rarely see and feel that it's appropriate to chip in when you stay in their house. [/quote]

I’m glad you don’t see it as a problem but I do. I think it’s so bizarre to go to someone’s house and never offer to pay for anything. I also think it’s bizarre to insist on particular restaurants, order the most expensive things on the menu and never bother to chip in. Sorry that’s rude especially if I had to hear how he was such a corporate hotshot and retired “rolling in dough”. [/quote]

NP. Why didn't you use your words? "Sorry, we can't afford that restaurant." "Sorry, we can only afford to go out once this month." [/quote]

I did the frustration here is that he doesn’t listen. [/quote]

Then how did you wind up at that restaurant if you couldn't afford to go? Just ... don't get in the car.  It sounds like he doesn't listen because you don't speak directly. [/quote]

Just so we are clear, my frustration is not from the restaurant visits it’s the entire trip. The entire trip where he ignored our stated or implied needs, talked over us, or disregarded what we said. If he was just rude at one restaurant I would probably be okay just slightly annoyed. But the daily grind of doing everything for someone who gives you as much attention as a houseplant and can’t even be bothered to put a plate in a dishwasher is too much for me. I didn’t sign up to become my father in laws personal butler. [/quote]

I guess you just have a very different dynamic than we do with houseguests. We say "make yourself at home" if someone stays, and it's understood that they will mostly clean up after themselves by putting their dishes in the dishwasher, asking if they should run it, stripping the bed at the end of their stay, and overall be helpful. We will pay for all meals and entertainment, but they will offer to cover a meal whether that's takeout or going out. And we'd have no issue with saying "Would you please put your breakfast stuff in the dishwasher?" "Would you clear the table while I put away the leftovers and DH sweeps the floor?" "It would be a big help if you'd assist DD with studying for her spelling and vocab test."  We ask for what we want. [/quote]

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