Reply to He wants to buy us a place for our kid free time.

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you and your bf sound like very thoughtful, caring parents who have approached this relationship with the intention of keeping your children’s lives as stable and conflict free as possible. I applaud that. I think you’ve made the right choices so far.

However, one of the tricky things about parenting post divorce is that while you don’t want to introduce every person you date to your kids, you and a serious partner can’t truly blend your own lives if your kids aren’t included. Yes, your kids will be spared living in a blended family household and its attendant challenges if you wait to cohabit full time or marry until you’re both empty nesters, but at that point, it will be very, very difficult to merge your two families. Trying to do so at that stage presents a different series of issues. Your children and your partner won’t be bonded. Who will you and your partner spend holidays with? When his child and yours have conflicting events, whose will you attend? If medical decisions have to be made for either of you, will the grown children accept their parent’s partner being the decision maker? If he comes into the marriage with 40x your income, will there be a huge disparity in spending on his children and grandchildren versus yours? If you end up marrying and having marital assets together, how will your estates divide your assets between all of your children?

You have good reason to want to avoid forcing your children to grow up in a blended family, but your best shot at blending, if it’s ever going to happen, is before any of your children is a teenager. Don’t just think long and hard about what is best for your children while they’re minors. You need to think about the coming decades as well and what is sustainable if you see a future with this man.[/quote]

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