Reply to Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Has your husband wanted them to come for all these years? Or is this something you encouraged because “family”?

If he never really was the driver here, I think you can tell him you prefer to stop doing this. If he has wanted his parents there in the past, then I would tell him my preference but also really listen to take his temperature. If he wanted me to move on (and this wasn’t a pattern), then I would move on this one time. Don’t make a decision over this one moment.

This comment also probably wasn’t directed at you at all even if you took it that way. This woman wasn’t thinking “I’ve hated their thread count and coffee for 20 years.” She was thinking “I’m pissed at my son.” And maybe she was thinking “it is my DIL who does everything to make these holidays happen. I know my son wouldn’t even bother to have me.” You really don’t know.

FWIW — my mother in law got upset and basically left the house when I told her that we wanted to go to my aunt and uncle’s for thanksgiving the year my mother died. I think she thought that she would automatically get holidays. I never bothered to discuss it with her or decide not to spend any holidays with her. It was one very bad moment from a person who is usually kind and generous. But, I definitely remember it. And then found it sort of fascinating as she wanted to change things in ways that worked for her once her husband died.

I would also note that you seem to go way over the top here. I cannot imagine needing to clean for two days, make dining reservations, etc. You can order pizza, etc. and perhaps make your life easier.

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Sane advice.
I'd add, reserve the ILs a hotel.   Everyone gets together, everyone gets their own space.   Lighten your load.  Do not shoot for perfection.   
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+1  Good advice-but have your DH communicate this to his mother.  This shouldn't be on you to engage with his mom about this when it was a fight between DH and MIL that started the issue.[/quote]

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