Reply to Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?

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Reply to "Why the obsession over APs, spying and "catching" DH?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Leaving is hard, even in the case of severe abuse and serial infidelity. It's even harder when you're married to a gaslighter, and cheating and gaslighting go hand in hand.  You find yourself questioning reality and need a lot of evidence and support to leave.[/quote]

No you don't need evidence. Most women just don't to believe it's actually happening to them. It's their worst nightmare. They know it has happened to other women.

Frankly I wish women just didn't stay married to unfaithful men. If my wife cheats I am out..I am not going to waste my time and energy on therapy to understand why she cheated. There are countless men she can start her life over with. She didn't deserve a chance to explain/justify herself to the man she married. A divorce will set her free and life will be amazing for her.

[/quote]

You need evidence when the person cheating on you is also gaslighting you so much that you lose confidence in your judgment and discernment.  You need hard evidence to know what is real.  You get it for yourself.  Just listen to all the women who have reported some version of this here. [/quote]

Once you're that far gone, you won't believe even the most obvious "proof". You either respect yourself enough to leave or you don't. [/quote]

Well, no. New poster here. If somebody has been gaslighted, they don't feel they can trust their gut any more. We - women - are taught to NOT trust our guts. To behave politely even if our gut is saying "oh, this doesn't feel right." We are taught not to make waves or be called a bittch. I've seen it here. And in some respects, that is safe - don't poke the bear and the bear won't kill you. But it also means women stay in elevators when they shouldn't. They get in cars they shouldn't. They are polite instead of rude to avoid "hurting his feelings" because you don't know what a man will do when you hurt his feelings.

Unlike a reasonable person (woman) a man won't just go have a good cry, some drinks with a friend, and maybe write in his diary. He might actually go get a gun and turn on her because she disrespected him.

And so, a woman is living with somebody who has been her trusted partner and he is saying he loves her and that he's at work, and that everything is fine - her mind has been trained to not trust her feelings as well. She's Fcked. She doesn't even know how to listen to her spidey senses. [/quote]

Finding "proof" doesn't fix any of this. Therapy does.[/quote]

actually, finding proof was the most therapeutic I did when I was leaving. It helped me trust my intuition going forward.[/quote]

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