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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here: we’re definitely a team and I obviously love him more than anything but he’s just resistant to any ideas I have to offer and just seems stuck on returning to where he was, which isn’t possible because the school won’t let him return because of his grades. I do think he needs to get a job and hopefully start at community college, which might be too late for this semester, but he can’t seem to get motivated to do anything. I think he was depressed at school and I didn’t realize it so he’s likely been in this state for a while so not sure how long it will take to get out of it and how much I should push?[/quote]

Can you come up with ~3 choices of things that you think could be potential paths forward for him between now and the new year and tell him you need to see him either pursuing one of them or presenting his own plan to you as a condition for continuing financial support (or whatever consequence is under your control that would motivate him)? It still leaves the decision to him but might break through the paralysis by giving him options rather than endless decisions that feel overwhelming. Could be something like: Option 1 - Work full time. Start applying for jobs within the next week at (give him some choices) or the place of his choice. Option 2 - a couple community college classes + work. Option 3 - focus on mental/physical health, including abc.

He needs to let you know his choice by set date, at which point he maps out (or leans on you heavily to map out) what that path is going to look like. At this point i wouldn't focus on what he is going to do for the next 5 years and instead focus on the path for the next few months that can start to break him out of where he is stuck.[/quote]

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