Reply to I just told my husband I feel like Cinderella and he doesn't care.

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Reply to "I just told my husband I feel like Cinderella and he doesn't care."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, you have to stop doing stuff for him and lower your own expectations (weekly deep clean is a bit much, get biweekly cleaners and just do maintenance).  He will not do things at the frequency or with the efficiency that you want, but you are also training him to do less and less since you do it (because you want healthy meals and a clean house, I get it).

[b] I once stopped cleaning my spouse's side of the bathroom sink area (double sinks) to see how long it would take him to finally clean it.[/b] Two months later, I pointed out the differences (one side was FILTHY with scum, hair, toothpaste, etc). He did.not.care. We have biweekly cleaners now,and I only do my own laundry. We also have a split--whoever makes dinner does not clean up. Let the dishes pile up. Let the frig go empty. Nag less, but do less. And do not have another child.

So, in your case, I would do your own laundry and your son's laundry if you need to but definitely not spouses. Take your own car in, do not touch his. Sick day? Just leave. Say sorry I need to work at work today. I took the last one. And leave.  Do not make him lunches or appointments (wtf?) and stop cooking dinner half the time. I just stopped doing it all. Yes, it meant coming home and spouse would say "what's for dinner?" and I'd say "I have no idea. did you have something planned? cause I didn't" for about a year before he started taking more responsibility. it also would not happen during the little kid years. His executive function was just too poor to do so many things at once.

finally, figure out what your spouse is good at (or at least capable of). I've outsourced almost all errands to DH. grocery shopping, home depot, lowes and more of the kid driving. I do executive function stuff, he does immediate execution things. [/quote]

+1 to all of this

Are we married to the same person? 🤣

And to the bolded: I do the same. My DH’s side is a gross disaster and mess. He doesn’t care. I just leave it and look past it. If that is how he wants to keep it: fine. Every once in awhile (months go by in between) he picks his stuff up and cleans.

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