Anonymous wrote:Stop doing so much. Don’t complain about how tired you are. Instead:
Hire a cleaning lady. Get a wash and fold service for laundry. Don’t make his lunches. Only focus on what needs to be done for your child. There is no need to martyr yourself.

Anonymous wrote:As the title suggests, I am tired of doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and administrative work. I do morning drop-offs, and he picks up most of the time, unless I get off work early. I deep clean the entire house every Saturday and do all the laundry. I work full time and am in a gradute program.

He does all the yard work and walks the dog. If there's anything that needs to be fixed, he will fix it. He barbecues. He does not do any maintenance work with the vehicles and I typically take them in. Whenever I tell him how tired I am from doing all the housework, he uses the trump card of "try getting up at 4AM" because he works from 6AM - 2PM.

He asked me to book him a dentist appointment for him because "I'm good at it." I meal prep his lunches well in advance, do his laundry and fold it for him. If he folds laundry it stays on the couch. I do all the sick days. He will stay home from work to help if I am feverish and can't function. He does very gross things like nicotine puffs that he puts in his mouth and then will blow his nose in the shower and I have to scrape off the dried snot. It's disgusting. I've been asking him for YEARS to stop. And then, once I'm done all of this he expects me to put out.

The only reason I stay is I would miss my son 50% of the time. I'm just so tired.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, women fell for 'we can do it all' storyline. No, neither us nor men can. Men and women need each other. We need to fairly divide and responsibly deliver for the team. Your marriage's health and your family's happiness should come before advancement of your careers.

This is so blaming of women. I don’t know many women who “fell” for anything. Most of us marry men who we think are our equals only to find out once married with kids that they’re man babies. Full on “bait and switch”. This is mot our “fault”. Man babies need to do/be better. Period.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you have to stop doing stuff for him and lower your own expectations (weekly deep clean is a bit much, get biweekly cleaners and just do maintenance). He will not do things at the frequency or with the efficiency that you want, but you are also training him to do less and less since you do it (because you want healthy meals and a clean house, I get it).

I once stopped cleaning my spouse's side of the bathroom sink area (double sinks) to see how long it would take him to finally clean it. Two months later, I pointed out the differences (one side was FILTHY with scum, hair, toothpaste, etc). He did.not.care. We have biweekly cleaners now,and I only do my own laundry. We also have a split--whoever makes dinner does not clean up. Let the dishes pile up. Let the frig go empty. Nag less, but do less. And do not have another child.

So, in your case, I would do your own laundry and your son's laundry if you need to but definitely not spouses. Take your own car in, do not touch his. Sick day? Just leave. Say sorry I need to work at work today. I took the last one. And leave. Do not make him lunches or appointments (wtf?) and stop cooking dinner half the time. I just stopped doing it all. Yes, it meant coming home and spouse would say "what's for dinner?" and I'd say "I have no idea. did you have something planned? cause I didn't" for about a year before he started taking more responsibility. it also would not happen during the little kid years. His executive function was just too poor to do so many things at once.

finally, figure out what your spouse is good at (or at least capable of). I've outsourced almost all errands to DH. grocery shopping, home depot, lowes and more of the kid driving. I do executive function stuff, he does immediate execution things.

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds like a whiner. Going by her husband’s work hours, he likely is a hardworking blue collar worker. Grad degrees don’t add much value unless medical or law. Not to mention insane tuition loans. Just not worth it.

op should not be advancing her career at the cost of the wellbeing of her marriage and family. Doing housework is primarily the women’s responsibility anyway.

Anonymous wrote:Well, women fell for 'we can do it all' storyline. No, neither us nor men can. Men and women need each other. We need to fairly divide and responsibly deliver for the team. Your marriage's health and your family's happiness should come before advancement of your careers.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you have to stop doing stuff for him and lower your own expectations (weekly deep clean is a bit much, get biweekly cleaners and just do maintenance). He will not do things at the frequency or with the efficiency that you want, but you are also training him to do less and less since you do it (because you want healthy meals and a clean house, I get it).

I once stopped cleaning my spouse's side of the bathroom sink area (double sinks) to see how long it would take him to finally clean it. Two months later, I pointed out the differences (one side was FILTHY with scum, hair, toothpaste, etc). He did.not.care. We have biweekly cleaners now,and I only do my own laundry. We also have a split--whoever makes dinner does not clean up. Let the dishes pile up. Let the frig go empty. Nag less, but do less. And do not have another child.

So, in your case, I would do your own laundry and your son's laundry if you need to but definitely not spouses. Take your own car in, do not touch his. Sick day? Just leave. Say sorry I need to work at work today. I took the last one. And leave. Do not make him lunches or appointments (wtf?) and stop cooking dinner half the time. I just stopped doing it all. Yes, it meant coming home and spouse would say "what's for dinner?" and I'd say "I have no idea. did you have something planned? cause I didn't" for about a year before he started taking more responsibility. it also would not happen during the little kid years. His executive function was just too poor to do so many things at once.

finally, figure out what your spouse is good at (or at least capable of). I've outsourced almost all errands to DH. grocery shopping, home depot, lowes and more of the kid driving. I do executive function stuff, he does immediate execution things.