Reply to Is there anyway to discuss a spouse's weight gain and not cause permanent damage?

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[quote=Anonymous]No, I don’t think this is something that can be discussed in most marriages. Perhaps yes if there is a specific medical diagnosis that accompanies it—like the doctor diagnosed DH with pre-diabetes or something—because then you can tie it to the doctor’s advice and specific health metrics, not just a general “you’ve gained weight, I’m worried, etc.” Most people who gain weight realize it and probably feel shame and sensitivity about it.

My DH gained about 25 lbs over the years and it was really affecting his self-esteem. He’s super sensitive so I felt I couldn’t say anything outright, but I would suggest a family bike ride, or I’d mention how I’m trying to eat more vegetables, I’d talk about a Peloton class I did, whatever. I don’t know what clicked or changed but finally, after years, he is taking steps to lose weight. He never said anything to me but I noticed him looking slimmer and complimented him. He finally mentioned how he had adjusted his eating.

I think it’s a bit like everything else—you can’t force someone to change or take care of themselves. They have to reach that point themselves. [/quote]

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